


Risk the fall

by SunshineChildx



Category: Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, First Kiss, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Non-Binary Rowan, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 11:07:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27469993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunshineChildx/pseuds/SunshineChildx
Summary: Holidays are approaching at Hogwarts and soon the castle will be full of students with their families visiting. You're aware that Merula's parents are in Azkaban and won't be visiting her, so you make it your mission to not leave her side for a second, spending the day showing her all the things that make you happy.But sometimes, all it takes for love to bloom is a perfect day going wrong.
Relationships: Merula Snyde/You, Player Character/Merula Snyde
Comments: 14
Kudos: 104





	Risk the fall

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to my editor Eva for putting up with my nonsense and making grammar all fun and games! <3

The sound of an alarm is the first thing you hear in the morning. You open your eyes slowly and hazily, and you find out that the dorm is empty. You’re alone. 

“Crap! What time is it?” You say as you find your phone on the table next to your bed. It says 8:05 am. You open your eyes wide. “Oh Merlin, I’m late for Potions Class!”

You change into your usual school robes and pray with all your heart that Snape is in a good mood today. Or at least not in the mood to murder innocent children.

At the back of your mind, you have the faint feeling that you’re forgetting something.

* * *

  
  


“Where were you?” Rowan whispers to you when you’re already sitting next to them in class, still panting from the race here. Thankfully, Snape was too busy scolding another student for picking the wrong ingredients to notice you sneaking in late. Rowan looks more shaken up than you. “I didn’t see you at the Great Hall today. I tried looking for you while Dumbledore was talking but you were nowhere to be found, and - “

“Hold on a second.” You turn to them, eyes questioning. “Dumbledore had an announcement? Why didn’t anyone say anything about that yesterday?”

“We all assumed you knew, it was all over the Hogwarts Daily Post.” Rowan stares at you for a solid two seconds until they realize. “Oh. Of course. You never take five minutes of your life to read it, do you?”

You blush, slightly embarrassed. “I’m too busy, okay? The vaults aren’t gonna find themselves.”

“That is true, but still, I think you should take some time to read now and then. We may have passed the O.W.L.s, but soon we’ll have to - “

“I know. Look, I promise I’ll find the time to read more, you can even pick your favourite books and I promise I’ll read them.”

“Really? Oh, I’m so excited! I have so many books to recommend. No one I know has read ‘Wands, brooms, and technical procedures of cauldrons’ because it has seven thousand pages, but I find it really enriching!”

You sigh. “Wow. Well, I’m not sure if - You know what? Go ahead, add it to the list. But now, can you please tell me what was Dumbledore’s announcement about?”

“Sure!” They say, nodding happily. “He told us - “

Suddenly, Snape’s right in front of you two, a severe look drawn on his face. You shiver, anticipating his words.

“I see you two eagerly talking, but your potions look dreadful. Shocking.”

Snape stares at you two.  _ Is he waiting for an explanation? _

“We were reading the instructions right now.” Rowan says, trying to salvage the situation.

“Exactly. Even a reckless, incompetent fool like you both could brew a seemingly acceptable potion by following instructions, Khanna.” He says, shaking his head. “I will accept no more chatter.”

And then, he leaves.

“You can tell me about it later.” You say. You’re still interested in hearing what Dumbledore said, but you’d rather not suffer Snape’s wrath.

Rowan nods enthusiastically. “Yes, let’s focus on the instructions for now. Dumbledore won’t ever hire me as the youngest professor at Hogwarts if I can’t even brew basic potions right.”

"Impressive as always, Miss Snyde." You hear Snape praise Merula from the other side of your table.

“Thank you, professor. I’m the most powerful witch at Hogwarts, it’d be embarrassing if I couldn’t brew even this right.” She looks at you from the corner of her eye and then smiles sarcastically. “Oh, wait. Looks like the comic duo is having some trouble.”

Rowan pays no attention to her. Instead, she turns to Snape again.

“Actually, Professor Snape? Can I ask your advice on something? The instructions say we should use 150 gr of Gurdyroot, but I - “

“No, you may not ask for my advice. That would be a punishment for me.”

He says, massaging his temples as he walks away again. “Now, keep your mouths shut. I have a terrible headache every time any of you talk to me.”

You both stare at him as he approaches another poor soul at the back of the classroom. Rowan opens their mouth first.

“Wow, that was… cold.”

“So, regular Snape? It’s fine, we don’t need him, we’ll figure it out ourselves.” You shrug and turn to Merula. She’s always praised by Snape. She’s not Penny, but she might as well be helpful. “Hey Snyde, can you pass me the Gurdyroot?”

Merula turns to you, a frown already drawn on her face.

“Do you also want me to weigh the Mallowsweet for you? Stir your potion with my clearly superior wand? Cut the crusts off your lunch sandwiches?” She says, making a clearly fake concerned tone. “As if I’d do that. Grow up and do it yourself.”

“Woah, hey. That was way out of line, Merula.” You say, leaning away from her.

“For  _ you _ , maybe. It’s always about you, isn’t it?” She hisses. “You’re the cursed vault’s kid, everyone has to pay attention to you, isn’t that right? Oh, your brother went missing, poor thing! And when he’s back, he doesn’t even want to reach out to you, I wonder why’s that.”

“Merula, that is so rude.” Rowan says, placing both hands on the table.

“Oh, shut up,  _ loser _ ! You’re always with your nose buried too deep into some dreadfully boring book. You don’t even know what’s going on around you most of the time!”

“You do  _ not  _ get to speak to my friends like that, Merula.” You raise your voice. What’s wrong with her? You didn’t even do anything this time!

“Oh, so  _ your  _ friends, now? Weren’t you trying to include me in your stupid friend group lately? Am I no longer welcome?” She scuffs.

“Well, definitely  _ not  _ if you keep that attitude.” You raise your hands, exasperated. “I thought you were changing, Merula. These past weeks you’ve been nicer, but I suppose it was all an act to get what you want.”

Merula draws closer to you, eyes violet and burning.

“You  _ don’t  _ get to use that condescending tone with me.”

“I just… I don’t understand why you’re saying all these things. You were in a better place, and I - “

“Of course you don’t, you never pay attention to anyone that isn’t _you,_ do you?” She growls. “What did you think was going to happen, huh? That I’d suddenly be all friendly and stupid like your dumb friends because you asked me to help you uncover the truth about Rakepick _one time_? You _needed_ me because you’re nothing but a _weak_ _failure_ who can’t do anything without help.”

“That is enough!” You yell, standing up, and the whole class falls silent.

Snape groans from the other side of the classroom. He looks like he’s had enough. For a moment, you’re scared he’s going to punish you, but then he opens his mouth.

“Class dismissed. I’ve had enough of all of you for one day.”

Rowan is quick to look in your direction.

“Come on, let’s get out of here. Don’t listen to her.” Rowan places one hand on your shoulder, and you relax. “It’s not worth it.”

You get up and you’re ready to leave, your heart still beating heavily in your chest. But just as you’re about to go, you turn around and look for Merula.

You find her violet eyes piercing right through you.

“That’s what I thought.” Merula throws one last stare at you and disappears through the door.

* * *

“I can’t believe that! I mean, I  _ can  _ believe that, but she was getting so much better lately!” Penny says. “I’m so sorry you and Rowan had to go through that.”

You’re at the Great Hall having lunch with Penny and Skye.

Rowan insisted they’d rather eat on their way to the library, so they left without saying much else. You wanted to spend time with them since lately it feels like you two are drifting apart with everything that’s going on; but you know how much Rowan loves the library, so you don’t think too much about it.

“It’s okay, Penny. It’s kind of weird, it feels like she’s back to being eleven years old and angry at the world.” You sigh, feeling kind of defeated. In a way, lately it feels as if all the progress you’d done with Merula had been for nothing. “Especially angry at me, for some reason. Did I do something wrong?”

“I wouldn’t bet on it.” Skye, next to Penny, finds your eyes. She’s been hanging out with Penny an awful lot lately since Penny offered to help her study Charms. It’s not as if Penny was the best Charms student, but she’s better than Skye at least; and she’s always eager to help her, to spend time with her. You feel like there’s something more going on there. “I don’t know this kid, but all you’re saying makes her sound terrible. Why would you want to hang out with someone like this?”

You’re conflicted. There’s just so much you can’t say right now.

It’s true, Merula’s been terrible more than a few times since you’ve known each other; but, somehow, you feel like you’ve grown closer in a strange way. It feels different than the rest of your friends, but it still feels  _ closer _ .

“Because… she’s not always like this. She really was getting better, opening up to us, in her own snarky way. And when we were alone it was like - a totally different person!” You sigh. You two were doing so much better. Maybe you said something without meaning to and you hurt her feelings. That could be an explanation. “I must’ve done something wrong.”

“Hey, you’re  _ smashing _ .” Skye says, placing her elbows on the table. “This sounds like a  _ she  _ problem, if you ask me.”

“Skye’s right. It’s not the first time she’s lashed out on you like that.” Penny nods. “I’m sure you weren’t even saying bad things about her or anything that could’ve triggered her.”

“Not at all.” You shake your head. “Rowan was actually trying to tell me -  _ Oh _ ! That reminds me! I overslept this morning, so I missed Dumbledore’s announcement. Can you guys tell me what it was about?”

“Oh, yes! Well, you know what time of the year it is now, I’m so excited!” Penny’s eyes sparkle as she claps her hands together in excitement. “Next week is May 15th, and you know which party we celebrate every year. There’s gonna be games, balloons, magical spectacles, Hagrid’s probably going to make his rock pies; though I wouldn’t recommend actually trying to eat them, my jaw still hurts from the last time he offered - “

“It’s the International Day of Families.” Skye cuts her off.

“Skye!  _ I  _ wanted to tell her!”

“Well, you could’ve gone straight to the point, princess!”

Penny blushes intensely. Her face twists in embarrassment.

“Skye! Shut up!”

She hits her arm, but she’s clearly not mad. Skye laughs at this sudden display of anger from the most popular girl at Hogwarts, who’s usually so calm and peaceful. You stare at them playing around and you can’t help but draw a smile on your face. Yes, there’s definitely something more going on between them, and you’re happy for them.

You take a moment to process the information they just gave you.

_ Day of Families, huh? _

You had totally forgotten about this event. Every student’s family comes to Hogwarts and they all celebrate throughout the day with many fun events. You were quite looking forward to seeing your parents. It’s been a long while, and you’re sure they’re eager to see you too and know you’re safe.

_ Oh. _

_ Wait! _

“That’s it!” You stand up, placing your hands on the table.

“Is it the next cursed vault!?” Penny says.

“Are we late for Quidditch practice!?” Skye asks, eyes wide.

“No, and no -  _ Well _ , I hope not. Are we late?”

“I don’t know!” Skye panics.

“It’s still lunchtime, I think you guys are fine.” Penny says, running her hand through Skye’s back, soothing. “Then, what did you figure out?”

“It’s the day of families next week,” you say, lowering your voice as you sit down again. “Of course Merula is upset.”

“Oh…” Penny says, and sits down as well, expression troubled. “Right…”

Skye looks at Penny, then she looks at you, and then back at Penny.

“I feel like there’s something heavy going on, but I don’t really know this girl you keep talking about so, care to fill me in?” Skye says as she sits down next to Penny again.

“Yes, of course.” You nod, your heart suddenly a bit heavier in your chest. “Merula’s parents are… well, they were captured and sent to Azkaban when she was ten. I think she mentioned she lives with her aunt now, though I doubt she’s one to come to family gatherings like this one.”

“I heard she had to witness their parents’ trial right before coming to Hogwarts.” Penny says, and she shudders at the thought. “I can’t even think of what it must’ve been like. I don’t know what I’d do if my parents were ever taken away from me like that.”

“That’s not gonna happen.” Skye places a hand on Penny’s shoulder, soothing. “She’s had a rough childhood, I get that. a lot of people here haven’t had a good time either, but they’re still not constantly causing trouble and hurting people on purpose.”

“Yes, you’re right.” You nod because Skye does have a good point. “And I hate that, after all these years and all the opportunities we’ve given her, she keeps going back to being mean and hurtful.”

“Exactly.” Skye says, pleased that she got her point across to you.

But… 

_ It’s Merula we’re talking about. _

You play with your fingers as you shake your head and find Skye’s eyes again.

“Still… I don’t want to give up on her. I’m  _ not  _ giving up on her. I know she can be better, I’ve seen her do better, and I know she can follow the right path if I - If  _ we  _ don’t abandon her.”

She’s been really making progress. You’re not ready to give up on her knowing that she can actually be good, that she can join your friends, and finally let go of her anger inside. You don’t want to play the hero or the saviour - you just want to be there for her at her worst, so you can see her happy at her best. She deserves that. Everyone does.

_ Is that too cheesy? _

You’ll make sure Merula never knows about these thoughts of yours, at least.

Skye scoffs at your words, rolling her eyes playfully. “You’re too cheesy. Good thing you’re a chaser and not a  _ beater _ . Rath would eat you alive!”

“I do understand that feeling.” Penny says, finding your eyes. She’s always had a big heart, always kind to everybody. “Beatrice wouldn’t open up to me after what happened with her and being trapped inside the painting, but I’m not giving up on her either. Sometimes, people who are hurting don’t need just time - They need warmth.”

“Not you too being cheesy, Haywood!” Skye exclaims.

Penny laughs and pokes her with her elbow with a playful grin. “I’ve always been, you knew what you were signing up for.”

“Guilty.” Skye cracks a laugh, too. “Now, get off me!”

She tries pushing Penny away a bit, but Penny lays her head on her shoulder and chuckles when Skye rolls her eyes at her clinginess.

You think of closeness, of having someone important to you near and knowing they care. You think of solitude, and that no one deserves that cold feeling sitting in their veins.

“Penny is right.” You finally say. “Merula is a human too. You might not like her personality but, you know that - despite everything - she, too, deserves to not be alone next week."

And you’re going to do something about it.

* * *

You keep thinking of Merula’s situation for a couple of days. You don’t want her to be alone on such a special day, but you also know her enough to know that she won’t accept spending the day with you if you don’t have a good enough  _ excuse _ .

Ironically, things are pretty settled and peaceful lately at Hogwarts - except for the occasional curse breaking and the last cursed vault that you’re still trying to find. No sign of Rakepick, of that mysterious ‘R’, not even your brother. So, you find yourself with zero excuses as to why Merula should spend the day with you. Especially if you’re going to be with your family.

That makes you think. You last visited them on Christmas, three months ago. And you’ll visit them in the summer again. It’s not as if you  _ never  _ see them - they know you’re safe and having a good time at Hogwarts since they know nothing of the cursed vaults or your brother’s sudden appearance. It wouldn’t really hurt if… 

You make a bold decision.

You decide to write a letter to your parents asking them  _ not  _ to come since something major has happened that requires your absolute attention throughout the whole day.

It’s not a complete lie, Merula  _ can  _ be a handful.

Part of you wonders if it’s the right thing to do, but you know that if you just forget about Merula and spend the day happily with your family, she’s going to be miserable and sulking at some dark and secret place inside the Hogwarts castle. And that thought breaks your heart.

_ It’s just this one time, how bad can it be? _

Once you’re satisfied enough with the letter to your parents, you head to the Owlery.

The Owlery is a room on the top of Hogwarts Castle'sWest Tower , where the school owls and the owls belonging to students live during the school year, and it’s almost always open for visits.

It’s almost always empty.  _ Almost _ .

Once you step inside, you find Talbott’s silhouette in the dim light. You feel a cold breeze around you, probably because none of the windows have glass in them so that the owls can come and go freely.

You walk closer to your friend.

“Hey, stranger.” You wave at him.

Talbott was meditating on the floor. When he hears your voice, he opens one eye, and, when he recognises you, he gets up and draws a tiny smile, greeting you.

“Hey, yourself.” He says. “How are things out there?”

“You say that as if you haven’t been ‘out there’ this morning yourself.” You chuckle. “It’s busy, everyone’s excited about the Day of Families.” You see Talbott roll his eyes, and you smile. “And I’m guessing you’re not nearly as excited.”

“You guessed right. I wonder what gave it away.” He teases, and you smile. “You’re right, I’m not exactly looking forward to it. The crowds, the loud people, the relatives, the community games - Not my ideal place to be, you know that.”

“I do.” You nod, placing your hands on your hips. “So then, if you’re not spending the day with your family, what’s your plan?”

“Ironically? I think I’m going to spend the evening flying with my flock of eagles. They’re more family than my human relatives.”

You open your eyes a bit wider, a silly smile climbing up your lips.

“Wait - You have a  _ flock _ ?”

Talbott smiles back, a faint blush rising under his cheeks. “Is that so surprising?”

“I guess not, coming from you. I just didn’t expect that.” You chuckle, thinking of your friend in his eagle form and living a complete eagle life, flock and everything. It’s not that surprising, now that you’re thinking about it. “Can I join in?”

Talbott purses his lips. “I’m sorry. You know I appreciate you, but I’d rather have this for myself. I hope you understand.”

You shake your head.

“I know, I was just joking. Actually, I already have plans for that day.” You smile, brushing the envelope you’re holding with your thumb. “You know I’ll always respect your boundaries. We’re  _ friends _ , after all.”

“There you go again with that word.” He rolls his eyes.

“I’m going to make you say it one day! And then, I’m going to record it and never forget about the day you called me your friend, too!”

Talbott shakes his head, but you can see a faint smile covering his lips.

“What’s the deal with that, anyway?” He says, pointing at your envelope with his head. “Got an important message to deliver?”

“Yes, to my parents. I’m not in any kind of rush though, because there’s still one week until the event, but I’d rather send it early and make sure they get the message.”

“That’s fair. I never asked, are you spending the day with them, your parents?” Talbott asks.

“Who knows.” You smile, staring at the owls, their fluffy white and grey feathers. “But I think it’s going to be a very interesting day.”

* * *

After one week of waiting, finally, the Day of Families comes.

Early in the morning, the families start gathering at the castle grounds. All the students are showing their relatives around with happy and excited faces; some first years are shedding tears because they missed their family, others seventh years are discussing career opportunities with their parents, and mostly they’re all happy to be reunited with their people.

You asked your parents not to come and it felt like the right decision at the time - it still is the right decision! - but you feel somewhat lonely and nostalgic seeing all your classmates receive their families so happily. You wonder how your parents are doing.

_ How Jacob is doing. _

But before you can indulge and sulk in your gloomy thoughts, Rowan is walking up to you. They introduce you to their two moms and they say “You can spend the day with us, we’d love to have you around!”. They tell you that they’re planning on joining the family festivities, especially the Wizard’s Trivia. The three of them are such bookworms, and Rowan looks so happy.

When you say goodbye to them and head to look for Merula, Beatrice Haywood grabs your arm and hides behind you. She asks you “Please, take me with you! I can’t stand my family anymore!”. Soon enough, Penny shows up and tells you that her family is thrilled to be here and they need Beatrice to be there to play board games with them, so you talk Beatrice into it and soon the both of them leave to play with their families.

On your way out of the castle grounds, a bludger almost hits you, but you manage to dodge it -  _ thank you, Quidditch skills! _ \- and you turn around and see Barnaby, who was playing catch with his uncle Cecil Lee. He walks closer and says “Congratulations again for being a great help! Without you, we would’ve never caught the werewolves!”. You return the bludger to Barnaby and enter the castle.

Maybe you’ll be able to find Merula inside.

In the great hall, you hear such a fuss so you sneak in to see what’s going on. You see a really numerous family full of redheads having a feast. You spot Charley and Bill; they greet you and introduce you to their very large and bubbly family, and even to their adorable little brother Ron. They tell you: “You can stay with us if you want! There’s plenty of food, and you know you’ll never run out of conversations if the Weasleys are around!”, but you refuse politely.

_ Merula definitely isn’t here. _

You keep walking around the castle looking for her, but Merula is nowhere to be found. You start to worry.

It’s not  _ not  _ like her to disappear without a word, and it’s definitely not as if she’d ever told you where she was going before disappearing, but it still doesn’t sit right with you.

It makes sense that she’d want to stay away from the fuss of the festivities, but the castle isn't infinite - so where could Merula have gone?

* * *

After half an hour of aimlessly walking around the castle’s floors, you decide to try your luck on the training grounds.

The training grounds are flat, short-cut grassy areas and are located near the Herbology greenhouses. It is overlooked by the Training Grounds Tower and the Defence Against the Dark Arts Tower, so it feels like the last place a bunch of cheerful families would want to spend the day at.

_ Oh, there she is! _

You find Merula next to the training dummies. She’s with her wand drawn out, hard expression on her face, and her characteristic untamed hair slightly more ruffled than usual. You wonder how much time she’s been here by herself. But you have to admit, despite the school being full of noisy adults, it’s fairly quiet over here.

You walk up to her with slow steps. Once you’re at a fair distance from her, suddenly you find yourself unsure of what to say, so you watch her train for a bit. Your whole plan up until now consisted of finding her - How didn’t you think of something to say to her once you did? You guess you were too worried. But now she’s here, and--

_ Oh. _

She notices you and she shots a murderous stare at you, her violet irises flaring.

"You have a problem?" She says as she looks away from you, focusing her undivided attention on the dummies again.

“Not yet.” You tease. “I’ve been wondering where you’ve been.”

Apparently, Merula chooses to ignore the hint of concern on your voice.

“Why are you here? Did your stupid family  _ ditch  _ you just like Jacob did? Poor you.” She mocks.

You decide to not be offended by her words. Deep down, you think she can’t actually mean them, she’s just hurting. Or is that you excusing her behaviour? You know Skye wouldn’t put up with this, but you’re not her. And you’ve made up your mind that this is the right thing to do. Not leave Merula alone today.

You still have no idea how you’re gonna convince her to hang out with you.

“No, they didn’t.” You can’t just tell her that, actually,  _ you  _ ditched  _ them  _ to spend the day with  _ her _ . That’s way too embarrassing, and that would annihilate any remote possibility you have of convincing her to stay with you. You decide to change the topic. “That dummy looks pretty dead to me, already.”

“See that?” Merula points her wand at it. “ _ That’s  _ how you’re gonna end up if you keep distracting me.”

“What spell are you practising?” You change the topic. It’s probably safer, and you’re curious. She seemed so focused when you arrived, she’s probably practising a specific spell.

“Why do you  _ care _ ?” Merula shoots a death glare at you. “Why are you even talking to me? Just leave me alone to train!”

“As if I’d let you practice more than me and have the upper hand.”

Suddenly, you know what you’re going to do. You walk next to Merula and draw your wand out. She stares at you, confusion mixed with annoyance.

“What are you doing?”

You shoot a fireball at the dummy, and Merula furrows her brow.

“Training.” You smile sweetly. “Isn’t that what we’re doing?”

Merula’s frown grows deeper as she pierces you with her eyes.

“Ugh, you’re - You’re  _ insufferable _ .”

You ignore her words and cast a _flipendo_ - your dummy shakes violently.

“Shut up and train, Snyde.”

Merula tightens her jaw and sends a fireball onto her dummy. Then, you cast _incendio_ on yours, a bigger fire spell. Merula seems angrier, so she casts an even larger spell on the dummy, and soon you’re competing on who does more damage to the training dummy - but your spells are faster, stronger, and make an even bigger number on your training dummy. You shoot her a smug smile, letting her know that you’re performing better than her and you _know_ it. 

That seems to set Merula off, and soon she’s pointing her wand towards you.

“ _ Stupefy! _ ” She says, face constricted in anger.

“ _ Diffindo! _ ”

You feel your lips move before you can process. You’ve defended yourself from the attack, but Merula presses on.

“ _ Fraglante! _ ” She casts.

“ _ Relashio! _ ” You say. “Merula, stop!”

“ _ Waddiwasi! _ ” She says. “No! Fight me! Prove that you’re not a weakling!”

“I have nothing to prove to you.” You say, startled by her sudden burst of anger towards you, but she casts another spell on you. “ _ Diffindo! _ ”

“ _ Flipendo, Flipendo! _ ” She yells at you.

“ _ Depulso! Stupefy! Expelliarmus!” _

You say, and soon Merula’s on the floor, still, slightly pained expression on her face. You’ve tried your best to not hurt her, choosing mainly stunning and defensive spells, but you needed to immobilise her somehow.

You walk up to her and squat, looking at her. She’s facing away, panting through her parted lips, making her breathing even again. You offer her a half-smile.

“You’ve gotten better at dueling.” You say, lips curved into an honest smile.

Merula scoffs. “Shut up and let me go already.”

You undo the  _ Stupefy  _ spell, and Merula rubs her sore arms. She looks defeated and frustrated. You offer her a hand.

“Come on, there’s something I want to show you.”

She looks at your hand and then at you, disdain drawn all over her lilac irises when she finds your eyes

“Why would I ever go anywhere with  _ you _ ?” She spits out, like it’s the most horrifying idea ever. “What’s in it for me?”

“You’re going to come with me because I won the duel.” Unaffected by her words, you shrug. “That’s the rules, look them up. Now, come on.”

Merula slaps your hand away from her.

“I am  _ not  _ going - “

“Stop being so stubborn and follow me already!”

You grab her hand and soon she’s back on her feet. You start walking out of the training grounds, hand clasped tightly against Merula’s, she’s following behind and trying hard to let go of you.

* * *

“The Quidditch Pitch? Why are we here?” Merula says, looking around. “I thought this was off-limits today.

The Quidditch pitch is where Quidditch teams practise, hold try-outs, and play matches against each other to win the House Cup every year. You, being a member of the Quidditch team, know this pitch like the back of your hand.

“It’s never off-limits when you’re part of the Quidditch team.” You wink at her, proud of your status. “I’m one of the best chasers of the team, they can’t kick me out even if I bend some rules now and then.”

“Did you drag me all this way just to brag?” Merula rolls her eyes. “Whatever, I have better things to do. I’m outta here.”

“I could’ve, but  _ no _ . That’s not why I brought you here.” You say, walking up to the center of the pitch. “I wanted you to see -  _ This! _ ”

Next to you, on the floor, there’s a brown chest with the Quidditch logo carved on both sides.

Merula stares at you for two solid seconds.

“A big box. Wow. I’m impressed, really. Knowing you, I figured you’d be excited over a rock, even.”

“No, silly! It’s what’s  _ inside  _ the box!”

“Now you’re just creeping me out.”

“ _ Ugh _ \- I’ll open it. You just stand right there, okay?”

Merula does as told and stays right next to you. When you open the box, a Quidditch broom flies past both of you, does a couple of acrobatics in the air, and then returns to lay on the floor beside you. You pick it up.

“Is that a Comet 260!?” Merula quickly grabs the broom from your hands and starts inspecting it. “It’s the Comet Trading Company's finest racing broom! How did  _ you  _ get one of  _ these _ ?”

“I know, right? I wanted you to be the first one to see it.” You smile wide, very excited. “Isn’t it amazing? After my first Quidditch match with Skye, her father gave her a Comet 260 and she wanted to give me her old Comet 220, but a bunch of crup puppies found it and destroyed it while playing with it. Hagrid felt bad, so he and Madam Hooch got me this Comet 260 so I could keep playing Quidditch.”

“Can I try it?” Merula finds your eyes, violet irises sparkling.

Your smile grows wider. It’s not the first time you’ve seen her this excited about something, but it’s definitely a nice change from her usual edgy self, so there’s no way you could  _ not  _ indulge her right now.

“Sure! But let me help you first, because it goes really fast and, before riding it, you have to make sure that -  _ Merula! _ ”

Merula has set off on the broom, making deaf ears to your words, and she’s already flying across the Quidditch pitch at increasing speed.

“Merula, you’re going to  _ hurt yourself! _ ” You yell, but all you hear in response are her shouts of joy.

“I challenge you to a race!” She yells back at you. “Bet you can’t reach the goal hoops before I do!”

You open your mouth wide. “But you took my broom!”

“I’m sure you’ll be fine, Miss Best Chaser of the team!”

So she  _ has  _ been listening to you. You smile, feeling the excitement of a good race spread through your veins like lightning.

“It’s on, Snyde!”

You say as you quickly find one of Madam Hooch’s spare brooms, and soon you find yourself flying high on the Quidditch pitch too.

Merula’s racing in front of you, moving through the air like she’s done this a million times before. You follow her up close. Her broom is noticeably faster, but her flying skills are limited to regular flying classes; she hasn’t gone through Orion’s temperance sessions, Murphy’s endless sets of flying tactics, and Skye’s challenging flying practices. Even if your broom is slower, you have the upper hand.

You fly past the spectators’ seats, encircle the towers, zigzag through the high posts, past the commentator's box, you find yourself reaching Merula by the time you fly past the scoring areas, and soon you make it to the Goal Hoops seconds before Merula reaches them as well.

You’re already waiting for her, a smug smile dancing on your lips.

“You’re late, Snyde.” You can’t help but brag. “I thought you said I couldn’t reach you.”

Merula scoffs, brow furrowed, and looking straight at you.

“You cheated.” She says, but strangely, you find there’s no bite to it.

“How?” You raise your hands, balancing on your broom with your legs. “You took  _ my  _ broom! My faster, last model broom! There’s no way  _ I’m  _ the one that cheated here!”

“Yes, you cheated!” Merula insists. “You’re on the Quidditch team. You waste your time here to learn to fly faster and all that crap. That counts as cheating.”

You stare at her for a solid three seconds, and then you burst out laughing.

“You’re such a sore loser, Merula.” You say, laughter spilling out of you like a waterfall.

Merula looks conflicted at you, not knowing why that made you laugh like that. She doesn’t look too happy about it.

“Hey, quick question.” She says. “Do you think there’s a spell that can make you any less  _ annoying _ ?”

“You know, I actually should ask Mr. Flitwick.” You say, following her lead. “I think  _ you  _ could really benefit from it.”

“Oh,  _ shut up! _ ” She complains.

You shake your head, still smiling, and gesture her to follow you.

“Come on, let’s get off these things before anyone sees us illegally flying over the Quidditch pitch.”

Merula draws a snarky smile. “So  _ now  _ you care about legalities, best chaser of the team?”

“Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.”

You chuckle as you descend with your broom and get off of it. Merula follows you, and soon you’re both standing on solid ground again.

“So. How was that?” You smile proudly, pointing at the Comet 260 with your head.

“It wasn’t  _ terrible _ .” Merula says, rolling her eyes. She’s not going to give you the satisfaction of saying she had fun with you, but you’re okay with that. She shrugs. “It’s a very good broom, I expected as much.”

“Speaking of, why do you know so much about brooms anyway? I had no idea you were into flying.” You tilt your head, remembering her words from earlier. “I couldn’t tell apart a Comet 220 from a Nimbus 2001 before Skye got me in the Quidditch team!”

Merula laughs sarcastically. “Like I’d tell  _ you _ .”

“Come on, Snyde.” You soften your tone. “I thought we were having fun together.”

“We are  _ not  _ having fun. You’re a pest to be around, and I don’t want to talk about it.” You stare at her in respectful silence until she rolls her eyes again. “Okay,  _ fine _ . My parents gave me a broom as a present on my tenth birthday. Happy now?”

You picture a really young Merula overly excited over having her first broom, and you think it’s adorable. Not that you’d ever tell her, you actually like being alive and would like to remain that way.

“So that’s when you learned to fly?” You ask.

“Well, not exactly. I was a bit too young to ride on my own - shocking as it is, because I am and I’ve always been the best Witch at Hogwarts - but,  _ well… _ ” Merula looks away, violet eyes slightly downcast as she relives the memory. A faint smile is drawn over her lips, and you can’t look away. “My parents took turns taking me on the broom. I used to cling to their backs while we were flying, I remember laughing a lot. It was…. nice.”

This is the most open and vulnerable you think you’ve ever seen her, so you don’t want to say anything wrong to break this moment. You move slightly closer to her, looking in the same direction she is. You smile.

“Sounds like a very good memory.”

“Easily my happiest memory, before…” Something must’ve crossed her mind, because now she’s opening her eyes wider and she shakes her head, as if accusing herself of having said too much. You open your mouth to say something, but then she pokes your side with her elbow, and she frowns. “Enough about that - about  _ all of this _ . I have more important things to do. I’m out of here.”

There it goes, moment ruined.

“Wait. Whatever happened to sticking together?” You raise your hands. “We were having a good time.”

Merula turns around.

"Sticking together has proven to be useless so many times. How  _ I _ see it, competition makes us better. Cooperation makes us weak." She says. “You should remember that.”

“Okay, okay.” You say, thinking of something -  _ anything  _ to make her stay. If she leaves, then all your plans for the day will be for nothing. You promised yourself you wouldn’t leave her alone today, but now that you’re thinking about it, you don’t want to be alone either. You want to make her stay, for you. “But, before you leave, there’s something else I want to show you.”

“No - I said that’s  _ enough _ . I don’t want to keep being around you.”

Merula tightens her fists and looks away, as if being around you made her feel uneasy, but you can’t phantom why. You’re usually so nice to her. You choose to actively ignore the confusion.

“Don’t be your usual stubborn brat, Merula.” You say, walking up to her and taking her hand. You notice her freezing for a fragment of second before protesting again. You keep ignoring her. “If you liked flying on brooms, you’re gonna  _ love  _ this.”

You leave the Quidditch pitch dragging Merula beside you - but, for some reason, you don’t feel her trying to release her hand from your grasp.

* * *

“What are we doing here? It’s so far from the castle and everyone else. Not that I complain, but if I’m gonna be alone, I’d rather be alone  _ alone _ .” Merula says, staring at you. “Without you.”

You’re at the Magical Creatures Reserve. It’s not the first time the two of you go there - last time Hagrid tried to make Merula bond with a Thestral, but it didn’t go very well. It didn’t help that Thestrals can only be seen by people who’ve witnessed death, and that awakened some dark memories in Merula. You never really talk about that with her.

Luckily, today’s visit to the Reserve will be much happier.

You smile sarcastically at her. “I got that. But, unfortunately for you, we’re not alone! Follow me.”

“I seem to do that a lot, lately.” Merula rolls her eyes, but she follows you anyway.

You guide her through the Grasslands, greeting briefly your Niffler and Porlock, and you easily make it to the edge of the forest.

Before you two, several hundred large trees like tall buildings color the landscape in shades of green, pine, and emerald. Spring is vivid in everything you see. In the imposing trees that dot your field of vision; in each leaf that comes off them; in every river that sounds beyond the edge of the forest.

There, you find your Abraxan. Big, striking, loyal.

“Is this what you wanted to show me? A  _ horse _ ?” Merula crosses her arms, looking at it completely unimpressed. “I know you have the attention span of a Bowtruckle, but we’ve seen horses a million times now. There’s nothing shocking about them.”

“Not this kind of horse. It has  _ wings! _ ”

You exclaim. As if on cue, the Abraxan opens his wings wide and neighs. You stare at Merula, expecting. She nods slowly.

“I can  _ see  _ that. It’s a good  _ almost  _ unicorn you have there.”

“Come on! Unicorns have horns, Abraxans have wings, and look at this cutie! Isn’t he the prettiest Abraxan you’ve ever seen?”

“And the only one.” Merula shrugs. “And I’m still not impressed. I’m leaving.”

“Stop being so cynical and give him a chance!” You nudge her with your elbow. Why is she so complicated to deal with!?

Merula groans. “What do you want me to do with it?”

You find her violet eyes, blazing with excitement. “Ride it.”

“ _ What? _ ” She says. “This huge beast that can crush me like a pea? No, thank you. Actually, scratch the thank you. This is a waste of time.”

“It’s not, trust me. I’ve trained him; he’s comfortable around humans now, he wouldn’t hurt a fly! Except that one worm he stepped on last week, but it was so tiny I didn’t even see it either!” Merula stares at you dead in the eye, and you chuckle. “Come on, it’s really fun. I promise.”

You tend your hand towards her. She looks at your hand and then at you. She brushes your hand off but walks up to you anyway.

“Okay,  _ fine _ . But you’re riding it first, in case it goes crazy bloodthirsty.”

“Actually, Abraxans are herbivorous creatures - ”

“Shut up and ride the thing already.”

“Okay!” You say.

You walk up to the Abraxan and it lowers his wing to help you climb it, already used to your presence. Once you’re sitting on his back, you tend your hand towards Merula again. She takes it this time, grumbling something under her breath as she accommodates herself behind you.

You command the Abraxan to fly, and it starts running to gain speed first. Merula holds on to the horse’s back. You notice.

“You have to hold on to me, or else you’ll fall!” You tell her, trying to make your sound reach her over the wind in your ears.

“I am  _ not  _ putting my arms around you!” She yells back, annoyance evident in her tone. Also, embarrassment?

You smile, knowing she’s gonna change her mind soon anyway.

“Suit yourself!”

The Abraxan starts to speed up and then jumps. Suddenly, he’s flapping his wings, and the ground looks further and further away.

Then, you feel Merula’s arms wrapped around your stomach desperately tight.

“You tell anyone about this, and you’re  _ dead _ . Hear me?”

You chuckle against the wind.

“Sure thing, Snyde. Just relax and enjoy the ride!”

You raise your hands up in the air, holding on to the horse with your legs the way you do when you’re riding a broom. You feel Merula’s embrace tighten and her face hidden in your hair, as if scared that she’ll lose balance too if you lose yours. Nothing happens, and the Abraxan keeps flying easily, so Merula’s grasp starts to loosen. Then, she separates a little from you and looks around, filling her lungs with the light air, the world rushing around you two as your hose flies higher.

“This is actually not so bad.” She reluctantly admits, but you can almost hear her smiling. She raises her hands above her head as the Abraxan prances in the air. She yells. "I’m flying higher than anyone’s ever flown! I'm Merula Snyde! Fourth generation Slytherin! The greatest witch at Hogwarts! I do what I want when I want! I run this school! I run the  _ world _ !"

“Heck yes!” You find yourself yelling too, chest bubbling with excitement. “We’re on top of the world!”

“We’re the most powerful witches to ever exist!” Merula yells.

Somehow, having her include you in that sentence makes your chest shudder pleasantly with the fluttering of butterflies flying in your stomach.

You feel your heart beating faster, echoing in your ears and sucking in every other thing besides the sound of Merula’s laugh.

After half an hour of flying over Hogwarts - and laughing, and yelling - you decide it’s time to let your Abraxan rest, so you descend back down to the ground.

“Impressed yet?” You smile at her, still feeling the wind on your cheeks once your feet are on the solid ground below.

Merula is still smiling from the rush, her cheeks visibly flushed.

“I gotta say, that was  _ actually  _ fun. But don’t go around telling people I said that, they’ll never believe you.”

Merula punches you weakly on the shoulder. She’s standing very close to you, and you can see the tingle of joy in her irises, her slightly crimson cheeks from the rush. She’s  _ beautiful _ .

_ Wait. _

_ Did I just think that? _

You feel  a blush climbing up your neck and spreading over your already warm cheeks.

“Don’t worry, this secret is safe with me.” You say. “Oh, wait! That reminds me! Speaking of that…”

“What’s with that pause? Ran out of thoughts?” Merula says, playful.

She hasn’t said she wants to leave yet, so it’s a good sign. Still, you want to keep showing things that make you happy. You want to keep seeing her smile and her violet irises glow like that. You want to keep being close to her like this, the two of you alone.

“Can you keep a little secret?” You ask, mysterious.

Merula’s eyes grow slightly wider, but she acts nonchalant.

“That you’re actually a loser? I think that’s no secret, everybody knows that already.”

She says, but there’s no malice to it, just teasing.

“No, no. A real secret. Something I haven’t told anyone.” You insist.

Merula plays with her fingers, slightly nervous.

“What makes you think I’ll keep your secret? That I won’t go around telling it to everybody? Use it to my advantage?”

She asks with her brow furrowed, as if she wanted you to expect that from her, as if that’s the only logical outcome out of confiding in her. You shake your head. You know she can be a handful, and that she’s betrayed you before, but you still choose to believe in her.

“Because I trust you. I know you’ll keep this one secret.”

Merula swallows hard, bites her lip, doesn’t try to fight your words. “What is it?”

“It’s this way, come with me.”

You say, and you start walking away from the Grassland.

“Again? Can’t you just tell me?”

“No! You  _ have  _ to see it for yourself.” You insist. Merula’s already walking beside you. You mutter under your breath. “I haven’t even told Charlie about this, he’d kill me if he found out…”

“That ginger Weasley boy obsessed with dragons?” Merula thinks out loud, then her eyes grow wide. “Wait…  _ Wait _ !” 

* * *

“A Chinese Fireball!?” Merula yells, you can almost hear the fear in her voice. “Are you insane!?” 

You raise your hands up, trying to ease her.

“I know, I know! But she’s a really good girl, and - ”

“Girl!? This thing is a freaking dragon!” She keeps yelling, furrowing her brow like it’s the most obvious thing ever. Which it is, in a way. She just doesn’t know this dragon like you do. “It’s literally deadly! Are you trying to get us both killed!?”

“If I wanted you to get hurt for no reason, I’d go for something much simpler. Like one of those duels you always insist on having with me. Have you won any of those yet, Snyde?”

You smile, trying to ease the tension between you. It’s not that dangerous, really. If it was, you wouldn’t have brought Merula here. Why can’t she see that?

Merula’s face twists in anger.

“That’s it, forget the dragon!  _ I  _ am going to kill  _ you  _ for this!”

She says and she punches your arm. You giggle because it didn’t really hurt.

You point to the dragon, a brilliant red and gold creature, scarlet and smooth scaled with a fringe of golden spikes around its snub-snouted face and extremely protuberant eyes. You remember Charlie telling you that it’s named like that for the rounded balls of flame that it shot from its nostrils.

Thankfully, you still haven’t seen any of those.

“Relax! Look at her, if she wanted to hurt us, we’d be fried chicken by now.”

“I think we can agree on that one. Chicken  _ is  _ a word I’d use to describe you.”

Merula smiles, but there’s no malice there. You roll your eyes.

“Say what you want, but she’s good.” You take a couple of steps towards the dragon, who eyes you. “I’m trying to make her feel at ease around people. Like we did with the Thestral, remember?”

“I’d rather not.” Merula says, lilac eyes darting away.

You remember Merula being really uneasy the first times Hagrid and you tried to bring the Thestral and Merula together. Maybe that wasn’t the best example you could’ve given her. You bite your lip, trying to be honest with her. You just want to show her the things that make you happy, make her smile. She just needs to trust you enough.

“Well, you know what I mean. That turned out alright, didn’t it?” You turn to the dragon, it’s beautiful red scales. “I want the same for her, even dragons deserve love and care.”

Merula huffs. “You’re starting to sound like Carrot Boy.”

“Charlie?” You chuckle. “Yeah, don’t tell him that I’ve brought you and not him to see a Chinese Fireball, he’d stop talking to me for the rest of the school year.”

“How is that a bad thing?” Merula places her hands on her hips, looking at you with a slightly less annoyed expression. You guess this is as good as it gets with her.

You sigh. “He’s my friend, and of course I’ll bring him along next time. But even  _ you  _ know how excited he gets about dragons, I can’t let him near her until I’m sure she’s comfortable around humans. I don’t want to cause an accident.”

“Wouldn’t be your first one.” Merula points out. She’s right, of course. “So, you didn’t ask me to come here first because I’m special to you? Wow, I’m hurt.”

She says sarcastically, placing a hand over her heart and pretending to be hurt - but you flush.

“I - Well… You are.” You stutter, feeling your heart beating a tad faster. “Special, I mean.”

Merula looks away, frowning, a warm blush spreading across her cheeks.

“Shut up. You want to get this dragon used to people? Let’s speed up the process.”

“Merula, what are you  _ doing  _ \- ?”

You ask, but Merula’s already starting to walk towards the dragon. You open your eyes wide.

“I don’t think that’s safe yet! She’s only seen me a couple of times and she’s still not used to me. Come back here!”

“Don’t be a chicken, it’s fine!” Merula says, still walking up to the dragon, not stopping to meet your eyes. “Plus, I’ve watched that muggle movie about the dragon. If there’s someone that can handle a dragon, that’s me - the most powerful witch at Hogwarts!”

The dragon notices her and raises its big red head, staring at Merula through it’s piercing green eyes.

“ _ How to train your dragon? _ ” You can’t believe you have to clarify this. “Merula, that’s muggle fiction! Please, come back slowly! This isn’t safe, I’m telling you!”

“Oh, shut up! You’re just jealous because I’m gonna tame your stupid dragon instead of you!”

“That’s -  _ Ugh _ , that’s not it, Merula! Stop being a stupid  _ brat  _ and get back here before you get hurt!”

“If I’m a stupid brat, why do you care if I get hurt!?”

Merula yells, now right next to the dragon. It’s raising its head and it’s found Merula. She’s right in front of it.

“Because - “ The dragon looks defensive as it opens its mouth revealing a hundred pointy teeth, each of them the size of your hand. Your heart's hammering insistently in your chest, a rushing sensation flowing through your veins, running from head to toe, tingling at your fingertips like sand. You  _ have  _ to do something.  _ Now _ . Your body starts running towards her, towards the dragon.. “ _ Merula! _ ”

You tackle her right before the dragon blasts fire from its mouth. You place one hand under her head and the other on her waist, holding her tightly as you fall down to the ground behind a rock. The air is hot and burning when you next breathe in.

You feel the heavy footsteps of the dragon as it makes its way into the nearby cave you’ve accommodated as its new home. You sigh, knowing you’ll have to make again all the progress Merula’s just undone.

_ Merula. _

You look down.

You’re on top of her, hands pressed to the ground on either side of Merula’s head.

“Oh, Merlin. You're  _ safe _ .” You release a sigh of relief and lower your head, softly pressing your forehead against hers, your thread of voice so thin that for a moment you fear it will break.

Merula’s cheeks bloom with crimson colors at your touch.

“G-Get off me!” She pushes you away, and soon you’re on the floor, widened violet eyes staring at you from across the ground.

You stay like that for a couple of seconds, staring at each other, cheeks flushed, hearts racing, and the air around you heavy, and hot, and burning.

“Did you just jump in front of a dragon for me?” Merula says, voice confused, flustered - as if she couldn't possibly phantom why you would put yourself in danger for her.

You’re not sure if she’s accusing or simply perplexed, but you keep staring at her, cheeks slightly warmer.

“That was stupid.” You say. Yes, you jumped in front of an angry and possibly deadly dragon for her, but you wouldn’t have needed to if she hadn’t been that  _ difficult _ . “What you just did.”

“ _ You’re _ stupid.” She bites back, but you know she’s not angry this time.

You get up, shake the dust off your clothes, and tend a hand to Merula. She stares at your hand, then at you, and back at your hand again.

This time, she takes it.

You help her up from the ground.

“Let’s head back.” You say. “That was enough thrill and almost death situations for one day.”

“Sounds like you’re going soft.” Merula draws a half-smile.

You stare at her; her messy dark brown hair, her violet eyes, the way her snarky smile flickers whenever someone gives her a real compliment or does something good for her - and suddenly you’re overwhelmed by relief as you see her okay next to you. She’s  _ okay _ . You wouldn’t have forgiven yourself if something bad happened to her. You keep your eyes on her - full of something new and warm, something you never want to let go of - when you open your mouth.

“Maybe I am.” You admit. To her, to yourself - you don’t know. “Maybe I’m really going soft, Snyde.”

* * *

“I swear; if you drop one of those, I’m going to make you lick it from the floor to the last drop.”

You sigh. “Do you always have to be  _ this  _ dramatic, Merula? It’s fine, I’m not gonna drop anything.” You’re walking out of the Three Broomsticks with two butterbeers in your hands and a tiny bag of food for lunch. “Why, again, can’t we have these inside like regular people?”

“Because in there it’s full of  _ people _ .” Merula explains to you like it’s something extremely obvious. You try not to sigh again. “Don’t those stupid families have better places to go?”

“I mean, if you ask me, the Three Broomsticks is a good and spacious place to hang out and catch up with friends and family, so - “ You look at Merula, her violet irises burning with annoyance. “Well, yeah, I get your point.  _ So  _ full of people. We probably couldn’t even get a table if we asked.”

Merula smiles, proud. “That’s why I have the best place in mind, a place where I’m sure none of those dumb families are gonna be crowding.”

You look at her from the corner of your eye. You’re trying to hold the butterbeers, the food, and your wand all in your two hands, but it’s more complicated than you initially thought, and you don’t want to drop anything.

“Please, don’t say the Forbidden Forest.” You beg, handing your wand to Merula so you can hold the food and drinks more safely. “Can you hold this for me?”

“The Forbidden Forest, of course!” Merula says excitedly, taking your wand and placing it in her pocket.

“But, why? It’s so far! And cold, and dangerous.” You complain and gesticulate with the butterbeers on your hands.

“Because there’s not gonna be anyone else there, it’s the perfect place to be right now.” She looks at you mildly annoyed. “I’m going. Are you coming with, or not?”

You sigh. You’re doing this for her, you don’t want her to be alone; and it’s not so bad being alone with her. It’s gonna be fine.

“Okay, yes.” You say, giving up. “I’m in. Now let’s go before I  _ accidentally  _ drop your butterbeer.”

“You wouldn’t dare.” Merula threatens, a finger pointed to your chest.

You walk up to her, a smirk on your face. You’re dangerously close to her now, but you feel brave.

“Is that a challenge, Snyde?”

You breathe out, and up close you see Merula’s cheeks flushing a little, pink colors covering the skin underneath. She pushes you, and you almost actually trip and spill the butterbeers, but you manage to regain your balance.

“Hey, what was that for?”

“Let’s go already!” Merula insists, so you just sigh and follow her.

A little while after, you arrive at the Forbidden Forest. Merula stops next to a fallen tree and you sit on the ground, placing the butterbeers and the tiny bag of food next to you.

“Well, that was a shorter trip than expected.”

“See, what did I tell you?” Merula says, looking around the forest. “All peace, quiet, and - what is  _ that _ ?”

You look at the direction she’s pointing. A tiny creature is heading towards the two of you, running on its four little paws.

Merula draws out her wand right when the tiny creature jumps onto you and starts licking your face.

“It’s Borf!” You say, holding the pup in your arms while it keeps greeting you in its adorable way.

“Borf!” You hear a voice, someone running after the tiny werewolf.

“Chiara!” You get up from the ground once she’s close enough to you both. She’s panting from the run, but she’s smiling. You smile, too. “It’s good to see you!”

“Good to see you too. And thank you for stopping Borf; we were taking a walk in the forest and then he smelled something, and, just like that, he went off running!” Chiara places a hand on her hip, thinking, while a couple of silver strands fall over her forehead. “Now that I think about it, he probably smelled you.”

“You wanted to say hi, little guy?” You pet Borf’s head and he barks. You turn to Chiara, finding her blue eyes. “Well, it was a happy accident; thanks to him, I got to see you.”

“That’s so nice of you to say.” Chiara smiles and looks down. She’s always shy when you say nice things to her, but she’s a good friend of yours.

You tilt your head, remembering what day it is today. “Why aren’t you with your family today, Chiara?”

“Oh, well.” Chiara’s eyes widen a little, and she eyes Merula, who’s sitting with her back to the fallen tree and she’s trying to get Borf to not come close to her. Chiara lowers her voice. “There’s a full moon tonight. Lucky me, right?” She smiles, sadly. “I asked them not to come, just in case.”

You nod to this. “But, are you okay? Do you have enough of your werewolf potion?”

“Yes, I do. Actually, Penny’s been helping me to brew it these past few months. She’s been really kind to me, and I think she’s starting to have less fear of werewolves.”

Chiara’s smile grows a little bit wider, and you’re happy that your good friend Penny is giving Chiara a hand, too.

“That’s really good! I think you’re helping each other out, there. But, if you have enough potion, why didn’t you want your family to come see you?”

“I just - precaution, I guess? I wouldn’t want to hurt them, is all.” Chiara shrugs, looking at the werewolf pup who is struggling to get Merula to pay attention to him. “So I preferred to take a walk with Borf and the creatures in the Forbidden Forest. It’s safest for everyone.”

“I understand. But if you want some company or any help, you know where to find me.”

“Thank you. That means so much to me.” Chiara smiles. “I think I should go now, I wouldn’t want to interrupt your date.”

You stare at her, your eyes growing wide.

“Chiara, this - ”

“This is  _ not  _ a date!” Merula yells. Borf’s found a comfortable spot on her lap, so she doesn’t look threatening at all, but her words are still severe. “Me, the most powerful witch of all Hogwarts? On a date with - with  _ her _ ? Not a chance!”

“Yeah.” You nod insistently, looking back at Chiara. “This isn’t a date. We’re just - just hanging out, you know. In the Forbidden Forest. With butterbeers. Just friends.”

Chiara chuckles.

“I can see that. Well, enjoy your  _ not-date _ .” She says, then turns to Borf and gestures to him. “Come on Borf, let’s go.”

Borf refuses to move from Merula’s lap, and Chiara and you look at each other, not knowing what to do.

“I don’t  _ hate  _ being around this ball of fur.” Merula looks away, slightly frowning. “You don’t have to take him away if he doesn’t want to, I can tolerate him.”

“I think she’s asking if it’s okay that Borf stays.” You look at Merula and then at Chiara, who nods.

“Sure thing. Have fun, buddy.” Chiara pets Borf’s head and then turns away. “Goodbye, you two! Have a safe evening!”

Chiara walks away, and soon there’s only the two of you - and Borf. Napping on Merula’s lap.

“So,” you look at Merula. Suddenly, you can’t find any right words to say. “Lunch?”

“Sure.” She says, not looking at you. Even in the dim light of the Forbidden Forest, you can still see the faint shade of pink on Merula’s cheeks. “But this is  _ not  _ a date.”

“Of course it isn’t.” You shake your head, your own cheeks also slightly warmer, the tips of your fingers feeling electrified. What is this feeling? “Us? On a date? That’s just dumb.”

Merula nods, and you unpack the food and improvise a tiny table with the fallen tree and the butterbeers. You two eat quietly, the sounds of the forest filling the gaps between you two. You can’t help but notice Merula patting the asleep pup’s fur absent-mindedly, a gentle expression is drawn on her face, calm. You think it’s adorable, but you know better than to say such a thing.

“I didn’t take you for a dog person.” You point out. “If anything, you kind of remind me of a cat, sometimes.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Merula eyes you.

“You know…” You’re about to name a list of things that Merula does that remind you of a cat; like the superiority, the dominance, the aversion to human closeness, how smart she is, etc. But you decide to change the topic. “Do you have any pets back home?”

“I don’t.” Merula looks more rigid at the mention of her house, but being around Borf seems to calm her. So, for some reason, she keeps talking while petting the pup. “I’ve always wanted one, though. Cat, dog - I wouldn’t have minded. But my stupid aunt doesn’t want any.”

Her expression changes into something torn and angry.

“You live with her now, right? With your aunt.”

You dare to ask, wondering if you can manage to get Merula to open up about her life without trying to kill you after. So far, it’s working.

Merula growls. “Yes, that old witch lives with me, or that’s what the papers say. She’s not around much, if at all. Which is good, because I don’t want her around anyway. She’s just a sad, weak, and pathetic old lady who doesn’t let me have pets even when she barely steps into the house.” She crosses her arms and sighs, frowning. “Why am I telling this to  _ you _ , of all people?”

“No, I get it.” You shake your head. “When Jacob and I were little, we had a big ginger cat - Waffles. Growing up, we really were mean to the poor animal. We braided its hair, placed it on high places to see how it’d come down, carried it around like a baby - one time, we even forced Waffles to go down the slide on the playground!”

“That proves my point that you’re actually a  _ terrible  _ person, you know?” Merula smiles, but there’s no malice to it.

“Please, don’t spread that around.” You chuckle. “When Waffles got too old, my parents took it away. And then… when Jacob disappeared, the house was just - too big, too empty.”

“I do know what that is like.” Merula looks away, holding Borf just a little bit tighter.

“Pets fix that, you know? They make your house feel like a home, not so cold and lonely.”

“Are you suggesting I sneak a pet past my aunt?” Merula looks at you from the corner of her eye, raising an eyebrow. “You don’t know that old woman, she’d kill me if I tried.”

“The best witch of all of Hogwarts,  _ scared _ ?” You tease her, leaning slightly closer to her. “Now  _ this  _ is something that I’m gonna spread around. People need to know the truth! Merula has actual feelings!”

“Shut up, you pea-brained moron!”

Merula says, and she hits your arm with her fist, but it doesn’t really hurt. You start laughing.

“What kind of insult was  _ that _ ?” Merula raises her fist to hit you again, but you keep talking. “You can figure something out with your aunt. Oh! Wait, I know! You could transform  _ her  _ into a  _ cat _ ! Both of your problems solved!”

“You’re just being plain stupid right now.” Merula says, but she’s laughing too.

You stay like that for a while, laughing and saying whatever’s on your minds, until a white owl arrives.

The owl stops in front of you, holding a brown envelope on its beak.

“What’s that?” Merula tilts her head. “Were you expecting a letter?”

“I wasn’t.”

You answer, picking the letter from the bird. The owl flies away.

“What are you waiting for? Open it!” Merula urges you, so you do.

You open the letter and read it. Suddenly, your eyes grow really wide. Merula grimaces.

“So? What is it?”

“It’s… my parents.” You say, placing the letter down and looking at Merula in the eyes, lips pursed. “They’re here.”

Why are your parents here? You asked them not to come, did they not receive the letter? Or did they ignore it and came to see you anyway? That’s actually something they would do - you internally sigh.

You look at Merula. She looks distraught, hurt. As if she was having a nice time with you, but she’s been reminded that you two are not the same. 

You have a family, and she doesn’t. There’s a clear difference and you two won’t ever be alike.

“I thought you said they couldn’t come today.” She says, her voice low and hurt.

“I - Yes, they weren’t supposed to come. I asked them not to, I don’t know why - ”

“Wait. You  _ asked them  _ not to come? Why?” Her frown deepens.

Your heart is racing. You can’t tell her that you wanted to spend the day with her, because you know that, despite the nice day you’ve been having, she’ll get up and leave you behind. She’s done it before, she’ll do it again.

You curse yourself, not knowing what to do.

“Well, I - I wanted…”

Merula takes one step towards you, violet irises blazing in anger.

“You’re telling me your parents  _ wanted  _ to spend the day with you, and you just - told them not to come? And for what!?” She’s so angry that her lips, her hands, all of her is trembling. “How can you be so fucking  _ selfish _ !?”

Selfish?

You’ve done all of this for her!

You asked your parents not to come so that you could spend the day with her, who doesn’t have parents who can…!

_ Oh. _

Wait.

That’s it.

Merula’s upset because… 

“I  _ wish  _ my parents wanted to come see me. I wish they  _ could _ !” She yells. “And you just go and - tell yours not to see you!?”

“Merula, I’m sorry - “

You walk up to her, but she pushes you. This one is harder than all the times she’s pushed you today. This time she means it.

“It’s not me you should be apologizing too. You’re the  _ worst _ .” She looks at you with hatred in her eyes, and your heart breaks. “How did I agree to be with you today? You’re a  _ terrible  _ and  _ selfish  _ person.”

“Merula, please.” You hear your voice before you can process what you’re about to say. “Come with me!”

“ _ What!? _ ”

“Come with me.” You repeat. “Come meet my parents. I’ll apologise, but don’t leave. They’re very nice, you’ll love them. And they’ll love you. They always bring games; and if you come, we can - ”

“As  _ if _ .” She spits out, despise is sitting on her tongue. “I don’t want to be around you anymore. This whole day’s been a huge waste of my time. I’m out.”

Everything you’ve worked hard for today, all gone. You feel heartbroken.

“Please, don’t - please don’t leave.” You say, but she’s already walking away. “Please -  _ Merula! _ ”

And, just like that, Merula’s gone.

* * *

You’re at the castle grounds with your parents. They’ve been very nice and welcoming since you picked them up from the train here, and when you apologised and explained the situation, they understood your motives. You told them how you asked Merula to come, but they advised that you should give her time.

You’re at the castle grounds, picnic blanket spread beneath you and your parents, soft breeze on your cheeks as you’re telling your mom about the last duel you won at the Duelling Club - when you see from the corner of your eye Merula walking up to you. She’s wearing a troubled expression on her face. You open your eyes wide.

“Is that her?” Your mom, noticing the change in your expression, asks you. You can’t help but blush a little.

It’s not like she knows about Merula and you - you’re not even sure if there’s  _ anything  _ to know at all - but still, you look at her with pursed lips.

“Mom, shush!” You whisper, then you turn to Merula when she’s close enough. “Hey, you…”

“Hi.” She looks away, at everywhere but your direction. “I just wanted to give you this back.”

She places her hand in her pocket, and then she takes out your wand. 

“My wand? When did I…”

You open your eyes a bit wider as she hands it to you. When did you give it to her? Probably when you were carrying the butterbeers with your hands full.

“Just take it.” She growls, then eyes your parents and she softens her tone. “Please.”

“Thank you.” You take your wand from her hand and stay in silence for a couple of seconds.

“Well then, I should - ”

“Merula Snyde, isn’t that right?” Your mom smiles at her. “Why don’t you stay with us for a while?”

Merula’s eyes widen, she shakes her head purposefully. “Oh, no. I really should go. These kinds of things aren’t really my thing.”

“Mom,” you say, alarmed. “You can’t make her stay if she doesn’t want to.”

“Please, we insist.” Your mom tries again, smile shining on her lips.

“We brought pie and board games.” Your father adds, and you look at him with murderous eyes.

“Guys, she’s said she doesn’t want to - ”

“Okay.” Merula says, much to your surprise.

You turn to look at her, eyes widened. “What?”

“Yeah.” she shrugs, as if she wasn’t terribly mad at you an hour ago. “I could stay for a while. If that’s - like, fine with you or whatever.”

“Yes, of course.” You nod, staring at her with confusion.

_ What is she thinking of!? _

“Lovely!” Your mom clasps her hands together. “Sweetheart, make some space for Merula on the picnic blanket; we’ve got plenty of room for everybody!”

Merula sits next to you, your dad on her other side. It’s awkward and uncomfortable. You don’t look at her in the eye. You notice her unease, too - she’s stiff and with her violet eyes glued to the ground.

“So,” your father focuses his attention on her. “A Snyde, huh?”

Merula stiffens, but she looks him in the eye when she nods. Her tone doesn’t waver, like she’s had to answer this very same question tons of times before. “Yeah. A Snyde.”

_ Does my dad know about the Snyde family? _

You pray to Merlin he doesn’t say something insensitive.

“You must be a Slytherin, then!” He says, and Merula actually cracks a smile, all the tension leaving her shoulders.

“Of course! Everyone in my family is a Slytherin, I couldn’t  _ not _ uphold the legacy.”

You sigh. It’s fine, your dad is only trying to be friendly. You’re overreacting. Maybe you should try to ease up things, too.

You lean to her side as you paint a smile on your face, looking at your dad.

“She also says she’s the most powerful witch of Hogwarts.”

Merula’s cheeks grow slightly pink, but she holds her stare when your father looks at her again.

“Big statement, kiddo.” He turns to look at you, one eyebrow raised. “And is that true?”

You look at Merula, who’s staring back at you with questioning eyes. A gentle breeze softly plays with her dark hair. The hate from before is long gone, replaced by something you can’t quite place yet - something warm and brighter, hazed like a dream. You draw a smile.

“Yes, dad.” You nod. “That  _ is  _ true.”

Merula stares at you for a solid second. Her lilac irises are soft, and she looks like she’s about to say something, but then your father opens his mouth again.

“Well, that’s sad news for my daughter, but I’m happy to know the most powerful witch at Hogwarts is a fellow Slytherin!”

“You were a Slytherin, too?” Merula turns to him in surprise.

“Of course!” He turns to your mother, eyes full of love. You wonder if you’ll ever look at someone that same way. “And my lovely wife here was a Ravenclaw. We made a great couple.”

“We did, and we still do.” Your mom smiles at your dad. It’s kind of uncomfortable since they’re your parents, but it’s also strangely endearing. You catch Merula staring at you from the corner of her eye. “But of course, you’re too young to know about love yet.”

“She’s sixteen now - ”

“Dad, I’m  _ seventeen _ !” You say.

“That’s what I said!” He places a hand on your shoulder. “Listen, you’re at Hogwarts now. These are the best years of your life. Now it’s your time to explore, and make friends, and learn, and have fun - ”

“Not too much fun.” Your mom smiles.

“Not too much fun.” Your father nods. “Just be yourself, and be good. And don’t do anything stupid. We’re already proud of you.”

_ Don’t do anything stupid like Jacob did _ , you got the message.

You remember you haven’t told them anything about the cursed vaults, and you expect Merula won’t either. You doubt it’s the right thing to do, lying and keeping information to your parents, but they’ve suffered enough with Jacob’s disappearance as it is. You know, because you’ve suffered that, too. And now you have a chance of fixing everything and bringing Jacob back. They can’t know, because they’d try to talk you out of it or they’d be terribly worried.

So you just nod and smile, like the good kid they think you are - that you probably still are, because you’re trying to protect them.

You try to lighten up the mood.

“Why the big speech? Sounds like you’re leaving or something.” You say.

“That’s because we are.” Your father stands up.

Your mother does, too. “Stop being so dramatic.” She says, then turns to you with a smile. “We’re heading inside to refill the glasses. We heard they’re serving butterbeers there!”

“Oh, really?” Merula asks, raising an eyebrow.

“They sure are! I haven’t had one of those in forever!” Your father smiles. “We’ll be right back.”

“You can start with the pie if you’re hungry.”

Your mother says, and then they’re gone.

You’re left alone with Merula. Again, the situation’s turned somewhat uncomfortable.

“So… pie?” She asks after a couple of seconds in silence.

“Merula, why are you here?” You say, looking straight at her.

Merula opens her violet eyes wide, taken aback.

“What’s with that question?” She frowns. “You don’t want me here anymore?”

“It’s -  _ no _ , it’s not that.” You shake your head. “I’m just surprised. You said you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore.”

“And I didn’t. I was really mad at you, you know?” She frowns. “You have no idea of all the good things you have, you don’t value them.”

“Believe me, I know now. I just wasn’t thinking before. It was stupid, and I’m sorry.”

“I told you, it’s not me you have to - ”

“I know, I explained everything to my parents before you arrived, and I told them I’m sorry, too. I’m happy they decided to come anyway, it’s good to be with them again.”

Merula nods, taking the information in. Looks like you apologising to your parents calmed her down. You wonder if, deep down, Merula has some things left unsaid with her parents, too.

“Good, that’s good.” She nods. She sighs. “Do you want me to leave, then?”

“No! I mean -  _ no _ , you’re fine.”  _ Why all this desperation for her to stay? Keep it together! _ “You don’t have to leave. They like you.”

“I know.” Merula smiles. “I’m a Slytherin, and a Snyde, and I’m Merula. What’s there not to love?”

“Shut up.” You say, but you smile, too. Strangely, you missed her these hours you’ve spent without her. You wonder what that means. “But I mean it, they do like having you around. With you here, it’s not as quiet as it is when it’s just the three of us. When we’re alone,  _ well  _ \- Jacob’s absence is louder.”

Merula nods, taking your words in, and you both fall silent for a couple of minutes. It’s not an awkward silence like before, this one is full of understanding and comfort.

On the castle grounds, the warm breeze that signals the coming of spring rocks your hair with a pleasant softness, caressing your cheeks and bringing to your nose the sweet smells of the picnics around you. You find yourself at ease, Merula beside you.

“Stay still.” She says, suddenly breaking the peaceful silence.

You’re sitting with your legs extended and your elbows pressed on the ground behind you, relaxed. 

“What?” You ask. “Why?”

“Just listen to me, idiot.” Merula rolls her eyes, insisting.

You nod and stay still. 

_ What is she planning to do now? _

You see Merula shifting in her position next to you, and suddenly she’s laying her head on your lap, her face facing the castle grounds before you. You freeze, your pulse hammering in the tips of your fingers, on your ears.

“What are you doing?” You manage to breathe out, your mind blank and your heart overflowing.

“I was growing tired of sitting.” She says, eyes closed, curling up in a comfier position. “Deal with it.”

Merula’s dangerously close to your body, her words tickling your skin, and you think you’ve forgotten how to get oxygen inside your lungs.

“Okay, but,” You insist, cheeks burning. Your head spins and you feel lightheaded. “Did it have to be  _ right  _ there?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Would you prefer it this way?”

Merula says sarcastically, then turns around. Now she’s facing your stomach. You feel your face light up in flames. You stay still, looking everywhere but in her direction, her presence pressed against you already making you feel dizzy.

“You’re killing me here, Snyde.”

“Good.” Merula says. You don’t even think she’s aware of the way she’s playing with you. You’re glad she’s got her eyes closed and she can’t see your crimson face. Then, she says. “You smell.”

You beg to Merlin to take your soul right there and then, to open the ground beneath you and swallow you whole. Anything but this utter embarrassment.

“That’s literally the last thing I wanted to hear in this situation.” You mutter, more to yourself than to her.

“Cut it out, I didn’t say you smelled  _ bad _ .” Merula says, and you dare to peek down at her face. Her expression is relaxed, almost peaceful. No signs of the frown she usually wears. “You smell like grass, pine trees - and lemon. It’s not half bad.”

You think it’s endearing, and before you can even process it, you raise your right hand slowly. Your fingertips find their way to Merula, brushing her hair lightly, softly. You wait for her to stand up, to yell at you, or to threaten your life, but she stays surprisingly in the same place - her head on your lap, peaceful expression across her face. So you let your fingers dig deeper, travel through her scalp and her tangled hair.

“If you keep that up, I might just  _ not  _ want to kill you.”

You smile, looking down at her. This is the most relaxed you’ve ever seen her, and you wonder how you managed to get her to put down all her walls for you like this. She’s openly vulnerable, and you don’t want to do anything to screw that up, so you say nothing. You wonder if Merula’s even thinking of all the families and the people that are around you, that can be potentially seeing this, but you don’t mind - and you hope that Merula doesn’t, either.

You’re content - no, it’s more than that. You’re  _ happy _ . You want to stay like this forever, with Merula close, your parents near, your friends around, and one step away from finding the last cursed vault and bringing your brother home again.

Yes, you could stay in this moment forever.

Your parents come shortly after, and Merula goes back to her sitting position without saying much, but you notice that something’s shifted between you two, something  _ clicked _ .

Your mother cuts the pie and the four of you start eating. Your father is eagerly chatting with Merula about something, but you can’t quite figure out the words because you’re too focused on staring at Merula - she’s laughing at something your dad said, the corners of her eyes are wrinkled and her violet irises are bright. You wonder if you’ve ever seen anyone as pretty as Merula, if there was anyone who caught your attention and didn’t let go the way she does, if there was anyone as special as her before she barged right into your life.

Then, your mother taps your shoulder. She’s smiling, a complicit one.

“So. Merula, huh?”

You flush red in a split second. “What do you mean?”

“Don’t play silly, I know you and your brother better than that.” She pokes your side with her elbow. “I used to look at your father the same way. You can’t tell me there’s  _ nothing  _ there.”

Your blush deepens. “I mean, I don’t - I don’t think there’s something there. Or nothing.” Your mom looks confused, you try again. “I don’t know. I’ve never… felt this way before. But I don’t know if…” 

Your eyes travel to Merula, and your mother catches on.

“Then tell her. That’s the only way of knowing, sweetheart.” You look at your mom, conflicted. She smiles. “I’d say your chances are pretty high. She did come this way just to be with you. And she kinda forced you to be honest with your parents. In my book, that’s being a good kid. I think you’ll be alright.”

You stare at her, and then you turn to look at Merula again. She’s telling your father something really interesting, you can tell by the sparkles in your eyes and how she gesticulates passionately when she talks. You smile.

“Maybe you’re right. Thank you, mom.”

You spend the rest of the evening eating the rest of the pie and playing board games. Your parents team up together and you team up with Merula, but you always end up losing the game, whichever it is that you’re playing. Still, you don’t think you’ve laughed this much in forever, and something tells you that Merula’s having a great time, too.

* * *

“That was fun.”

You say, a few hours later.

Your parents have just waved goodbye with the promise of seeing you soon. They’ve also invited Merula over for Christmas, and you’re pretty sure they’ve told her several times to spend the summer at your place, too. You found Merula’s attempts at refusing very funny, because each and every time she ended up nodding and accepting the invite. You wonder if she’s secretly annoyed with the effusiveness - you secretly want her to be happy about it.

Now, your parents are gone, and everyone else at the castle grounds is getting ready to leave, too. Every family is saying their goodbyes for the day.

“It wasn’t  _ terrible _ , I’ll give you that.” Merula says, crossing her arms over her chest and looking away.

“Just admit you had fun and go.” You tease her.

“Me? Having fun with  _ you _ ?” She rolls her eyes playfully. “I think you can come up with a better joke than that.”

“Ha, ha. Be cynical all you want, but I know you had a good time.” You say, drawing a smug smile for her. “I know your heart better than you think, Snyde.”

Merula huffs and looks away, still smiling a little.

“You know  _ nothing  _ of what’s really in my heart.”

“Oh, but I do.” You walk up to her, placing one finger over her chest, a smile still covering your lips. “I know more about you than you think.” You think of her solitude, her anger, her hidden secrets, and her strong façade. You think of her flying on your Abraxan, of her petting Borf, of her laying on your lap. You think of what she makes you feel. “And I cherish every single thing I know about you, Merula.”

_ Oh. _

_ Wait. _

You realise you’ve said that out loud when it’s too late, and you expect her to grimace, or push you, or leave - but instead, Merula holds your gaze, violet irises flickering with something unsaid.

You take a deep breath and steel yourself. Maybe this is it. The moment you’ve been waiting for. You open your mouth.

“Merula - ”

“Follow me.” She interrupts you.

You blink once, twice.

“What?”

“I said ‘follow me’,” She repeats, lilac eyes still focused on you. “I’ve spent the whole day walking after you. Now it’s  _ your  _ turn to follow me.”

She says, and you nod. Merula grabs your hand and, as she drags you away from the castle grounds, all you can think of is how warm and soft her hand feels against your touch.

You follow her up to the West Tower. At the top of it, you arrive at the Owlery, a circular stone room which is cold and drafty due to the glassless windows.

“What are we doing at the Owlery?” You ask. “If you want to send a message, it’s probably best if you wait until tomorrow morning. Speaking of, I don’t think we’re supposed to be here - ”

“Can you just - Shut up and stay quiet while you follow me?” Merula says, and she keeps walking.

You wonder if Talbott is still around, but you don’t see anyone once you’re inside the Owlery, so you guess he must’ve come down already. It’s been many hours since you saw him here; he even said he’d be flying with his bird friends, so maybe that’s why he’s not here.

You follow Merula through one corridor, and then up a tightly spiralling staircase.

“Merula.” You try again. “I really want to see where this highly off-limits staircase leads to, but I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“When have you cared for ‘off-limits’ or ‘good ideas’? That’s not like you.” She says, and she’s right. You’re no different from her when it comes to breaking the rules. So you nod and keep following her.

The staircase leads up to a door. You help Merula open it and, outside, you arrive at the battlement.

You open your eyes wide, the scenery from here beyond gorgeous - the dazzling and impressive night sky passing before your eyes, a darkened vault dotted with stars lighting up the landscape.

“I hadn’t been here before.” You whisper.

“I don’t think many people have. Like you said, that staircase is off-limits for some stupid reason.”

“Now that I’m thinking about it, I think I remember last year someone fell down this tower?” You say, thinking out loud. “Maybe that’s why they banned the battlements.”

Merula shrugs, unimpressed. “Like I said, stupid reasons.”

“Falling down of a tremendously high tower is a stupid reason?” You raise an eyebrow.

Merula shakes her head. “You’re an animagus, right? A bird. You could fly if you fell.”

“Well, you’ve got a point. And what if  _ you  _ fell?”

“Then you’d catch me.” Merula says, like it’s nothing, like she didn’t just say that she’d entrust her whole life to you.

Your cheeks grow slightly pink, but you smile anyways.

“Have that much faith in me, Snyde?”

“Duh.” She says, raising her hands. “Letting me die is probably against the hero code you try so hard to maintain.”

“Hero code?” You chuckle. “What’s that supposed to be? I’m not a hero!”

“Admitting you think you’re a hero goes against your hero code.” Merula shakes her head. “Keep up!”

“Okay, okay.” You smile. Then, you nudge at her. “But I would still save you if you fell.”

“Of course you would.” Merula rolls her eyes at you, but there’s no malice to it. She sits on the ground, her back against the stone walls of the battlement.

You sit next to her and you try to make small talk, but soon you figure that Merula’s comfortable just sitting next to you, so you enjoy her company, too.

“About earlier…” You start, still feeling the traces of her anger before at the back of your mind. You want to make sure everything’s okay between you now. “I’m sorry you’ve had to spend the day following me around.”

“I wouldn’t say I’ve been following you. Merula Snyde follows no one, I simply  _ happened  _ to be walking in the same direction as you… multiple times. But I didn’t follow you.”

You smile. “That’s definitely what happened. I just… I just wanted to spend the day with you.”

Merula purses her lips, like she’s internally fighting some battle you have no way of knowing.

“I’ve been going over this in my head for a while, now.” She says, and she’s turning to you, her intense violet eyes finding yours. “Why would you want to spend the day with me? We hate each other.”

Merula holds up your gaze, lilac cracking the edges of your world, and your heart feels a little bit tighter.

“Do we? Because - well, I don’t know. We’ve had our fights, sure. Mostly because you kept being mean to my friends. But that was years ago, we’ve been working together and helping each other.” You breathe out, your words barely leaving your lips. “Can’t we let all that stay in the past, start from scratch?”

Merula frowns, shakes her head a little.

“The day is over.” She says, looking in the opposite direction of you, like your words haven’t been enough to calm the raging storm that’s happening behind her eyes. She looks torn when she says. “You can stop pretending now.”

_ Wait. _

“What?”

You open your mouth a little.  _ Did I say something wrong? _

“Don’t play dumb with me.” Merula’s hands turn into fists at her sides, she gets up and stares at you, violet eyes hurt and angry. “I know why you’ve dragged me around all day, why you didn’t leave me alone to myself.”

Your heart beats a little bit faster, shaken, Merula’s words echoing in your ears and sucking in all the other sounds.

_ Does she know? _

Does she know of the feelings you keep buried in your heart? No, that can’t be, you haven’t told anyone. Maybe she was eavesdropping when your mom talked to you about it.

Your heart sinks. The anger and frustration in her irises can’t mean anything good. If she really does know about your feelings, she’s beyond upset about them.

You feel your heart at the brink of shattering.

“You do?” You whisper, your lips cold and dry when the words leave them. The question slips across the cracks in your bones.

“I do.” Merula says, eyes flaring, sharp and burning like a fire dagger twisting in her chest. “You pity me.”

Wait.

What?

“ _ What? _ ”

“You think you’re so superior, don’t you?” Merula’s face twists in anger. “You have a loving family and a lot of friends, and you ditch all of them to play the hero for the day and be with the lonely girl.”

“That’s… That’s not it.” You shake your head, relieved but highly confused.

Merula digs her nails in the palms of her hands, like fighting the angry welt of embarrassment and hurt that swirls inside.

“Well, guess what? This girl doesn’t need you. I don’t need you - I don’t need  _ anyone _ !”

“Merula.” You breathe out, getting up to be at her eye level. “You got it all wrong.”

“Oh. Do I, now? Because you’re always in the right, aren’t you?”

“I really mean it, it’s not because of that.”

“Then, tell me the truth! Why would you do this?” Merula yells at you, and you flinch at the harshness of her voice. “Why would you ditch a stupidly perfect family? Why not spend the day with your dumb friends!?”

“If you just stopped yelling, then maybe I could give you the reasons!” You yell back.

“No! You don’t tell me what to do! You’re just a selfish and stupid  _ hypocrite _ ! I don’t have to listen to you!”

Merula’s expression is angry and upset.

“Stop playing the victim, Merula!” You greet your teeth. “That’s all you ever do!”

You have to do something. You have to stop this.

“If that’s what you really think of me, then why insisting on spending the day with me!? Why keep following me around like a kicked puppy! Because you feel pity - !”

You grab her arms and pull her down, pushing her towards you. Merula opens her eyes wide.

“No,  _ because I care about you _ !” You wrap your arms around her and hold her tightly. Your body is shaking, or maybe it’s hers - you’re pressed together so close that it’s hard to separate one from the other. “Because I care about you; you stupid, self-centered witch.”

“Let go of me!” Merula resists your grip, but you’ve always been stronger than her. “I don’t believe you! Why would - I’ve always been mean to you! Why would you…!”

“I really do, I care about you.” You say, holding the base of her head and securing her waist. “No one should have to be alone, especially you. Not if I’m around.”

“There you go, playing the hero again. I hate that about you, you’re  _ insufferable _ .” You hear Merula say, her face against your hair. “Let go of me already.”

So she says, but she’s holding the fabric of your sweater with her fingers so tightly they’re almost turning white. You stay in the same position, and Merula slowly relaxes in your embrace, loosens her grip, and lets you hold her closer, gentler, softer.

You find your voice again, calmer this time, nothing but soothing.

“I don’t pity you. You’re strong, independent, resilient, and very witty.” You smile, even though she can’t see it right now, face buried in your neck. “I just wanted to spend the day with you because I care about you. I’m your - your  _ friend _ .”

That word doesn’t sit right on your tongue, but despite your bubbling feelings, you know what Merula needs right now is a friend.

Merula lets out a dry chuckle.

“Don’t put me in the same bag as that bunch of airheads you call your friends, please. I’m better than that.”

“They’re  _ not  _ airheads - “

“You hang out with Barnaby.”

“I - Well, he’s working really hard now! He’s got a goal and he’s studying a lot.”

“Yeah, a goal to be a wizard from the renaissance.” Merula rolls her eyes, smiling. “Has anyone told him he’s six centuries late?”

You smile too. “None of us want to break his heart like that!”

Soon, you’re both laughing.

When she steps back, calmer now, you stare at Merula. So complicated, so full of sharp edges and, still, the most beautiful person you’ve ever met. You wonder if things will ever be easy between you two, simple; but then again, if they were, then it wouldn’t be you and Merula. You both have complicated lives, but that’s part of the fun of it all - figuring your lives out, together.

“What’s wrong? You’re staring.” Merula asks you once the laughing has subsided. There’s a faint blush covering her cheeks when she looks away from you. “It’s creeping me out.”

“It’s nothing.” You shake your head. “Are we -  _ Uhm _ . Are we good now? You and me?”

“There’s no such thing as ‘you and me’.” Merula punches your arm, but it doesn’t hurt. “But I guess I’ll stop yelling at you. For  _ now _ .”

“I appreciate that.” You smile. “Still, I’m happy that, despite everything, you still showed up to the picnic with my parents. Honestly, I didn’t expect to see you again today at all after the Forbidden Forest.”

“Yeah…” Merula looks away and shrugs. “No one can turn down the chance of eating home-made pie. That’s an actual and legitimate crime in some countries.”

“I don’t think that’s punished anywhere.” You giggle.

“Well, it should be. People are just stupid.”

“Speaking of stupid…” You lean towards her, smiling wide. “I didn’t know you sucked at board games.”

Merula opens her violet eyes wide, offended.

“Not as much as you suck at flying a broom!”

You open your eyes equally wide.

“But I won the race! And I also won the real Quidditch cup for my house!”

“That doesn’t count.” Merula shakes her head.

“How does it not count!? It’s literally all that counts in Quidditch!”

“Quidditch this, Quidditch that. It’s all you ever talk about! Are you sure you’re not slacking off your real studies? I’m sure that bookworm friend of yours would be upset if you got kicked out of Hogwarts. Not me though,” she’s quick to say, “I’d be  _ relieved _ .”

“Stop it.” You roll your eyes, but now that you think about it, you really should focus a little bit more on your studies again. “Well, I could use some help with potions, actually. I’ve been having trouble with it lately.”

“Why not ask your friend Goldilocks for help? I’m sure she’ll be  _ thrilled _ .”

“You mean Penny?” You chuckle. “She’s been busy helping a friend with potions, too. I wouldn’t want to burden her like that. If only I had another friend who was good at potions… who Snape praised… if only!”

“Okay, fine!” Merula huffs. “Maybe I could spare some of my precious time and try to get some actual useful things through your thick skull.”

“Thank you, Merula!” You smile wide. “See? You’re not nearly as horrible as you used to be.”

Merula rolls her eyes. “And I guess you’re not  _ always  _ dreadful to be around. I should tell you that more often.”

“Is this your way of saying you actually like me, Merula?” You poke her side with your elbow, a genuine smile plastered on your face.

Suddenly, Merula’s face grows a dark shade of crimson.

“Wha- I,  _ no _ . I didn’t say that. I  _ don’t _ . I don’t like you.” She says, facing away from you. “You’re terrible, and insufferable, and I’m more powerful than you. I am - “

You’ve never seen her this flustered. Maybe the rush of emotions from before has left her with her walls down. 

You should definitely take advantage of this.

“The strongest witch of Hogwarts? True, true…” You tap your chin with your finger, trying to make it seem like you’re thinking about something while Merula stares at you from the corner of her eye, expecting. You smile. “Let’s see if you can defend yourself against - the _ tickle monster _ !”

You say as you tackle her and start tickling her sides. She’s forcefully trying to push you off but soon you’re straddling her, pinning her in a way she can’t help but wiggle under you and try to stop your calculated pinches and tickles. Merula laughs, and giggles, and ultimately she ends up begging you to let her go, let her  _ breathe _ ; so, merciful as you are, you do let her go, returning to your initial position as she pants in front of you.

“I hate you.” She breathes out once she’s had enough oxygen in her system again. “I really do, you deserve a  _ Crucio  _ curse. Next time you try that, I’ll set you on fire.”

You draw a smug smile. “I’d like to see you try, Snyde.”

You expect an actual spell directed at you, or a push, or even her standing up and walking away. But instead, Merula starts chuckling.

“You’re such an idiot. I can’t believe I let you fool me into spending the day with you.”

Your smile grows smaller, almost shy. “Did you not have fun, then?”

Merula stares at you for a couple of seconds, lilac irises glimmering. She looks like she’s about to say something, but just then, she sighs and sits facing the scenery in front of you, her back to the wall.

Merula draws out her wand.

“What are you doing?” You ask her, curious.

She mutters an enchantment under her breath and, soon, tiny snowflakes start falling around you. It’s like you’re both inside your own bubble of snow and sparkly things, the outside world forgotten.

“What is this spell?” You say, raising a hand and letting some snowflakes melt on your palm. “I don’t think they’ve taught us this one.”

Merula shakes her head. “It’s because they haven’t. It’s called the ‘Snowflake-Making Spell’. It’s a Weather-Modifying Charm. Obviously.”

You nod. “It’s very nice. Where did you learn to do it?”

“That’s none of your business.” Merula says, and you’re taken aback by her sudden cold tone.

“Okay… Will you teach me how to do it, at least?”

“No, I won’t. Can’t you just - enjoy the snowflakes or something? In  _ silence _ , for once?”

“Woah. That’s rude, Merula.” You frown.  _ Why the sudden mood swing?  _ Things were going so well between you two. “I’m just trying to be friendly.”

“I -  _ Ugh _ . I’m sorry. It’s just…” Merula takes a deep breath, placing her hands on her lap. “My mum taught me this spell when I was a little girl. We used to use it every Christmas. It’s the only spell she ever taught me that couldn’t… you know -  _ hurt  _ anyone.”

_ Oh. _

“That’s terrible, Merula.” You say, and instinctively place a hand over hers. Merula stiffens, but she doesn’t let go or move an inch.

Merula shakes her head. “It’s all different now. They’re in Azkaban, and I have nothing back home, but here - here I am learning new spells, I’m growing stronger, and I’m making a path that’s mine. A life of my own.”

“That’s all really good, but you’re also allowed to miss them, you know? Especially today.” You say, and Merula shifts to look away, her hand still under your touch all too achingly familiar, too painfully soft. “Do you… do you ever miss them?”

“Of course I miss them, what kind of question is that?” She huffs. “I do miss them, but I don’t really want them here.”

You open your eyes wide, surprised. Merula notices your reaction and opens her mouth again.

“It’s not that I don’t love them, it’s just… confusing. I know what they did was wrong. They were Death Eaters, they supported - well, You-Know-Who.” Merula looks down at her lap, at your hand covering hers. “I wonder if I would’ve turned out like that if they’d stuck around.”

“Don’t say that! You wouldn’t have.” You say.

“What do  _ you  _ know?” Merula says, taking her hand back. “I’m a Slytherin, a  _ Snyde _ . I have their blood in my veins. I could’ve easily been one of the bad guys, going around and hurting people. Isn’t that what I already do? Hurt people?”

“That’s not true.”  _ How can she possibly think that of herself? _ “You’re so much more than a bunch of past mistakes and a name!”

“But it’s true, isn’t it? I hurt you, I hurt so many people.” Merula shakes her head, violet eyes growing watery. “What if I’m just like them?”

“You are not! Yes, you’ve hurt people in the past, but so have I!” You say. You two are not so different, after all. If there’s someone that will try her best to understand Merula, that’s you. “I hurt Penny when I tried to force her to help a werewolf, the one thing she’s terrified of; I hurt Rowan because I’m their best friend but I keep drifting apart from them; I hurt Ben when he was at his lowest but I couldn’t be there for him; and I hurt you, too, when I didn’t tell you the whole truth.”

Merula stares at you, her bottom lip between her teeth.

“That doesn’t sound like the perfect you that you’re always showing off.”

You draw a sad smile. “But that’s the thing, I’m not perfect; and you aren’t either. No one is. We all make mistakes we regret, and we all hurt the people we love. But that doesn’t make us bad people.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.” Merula shakes her head.

“You see, what really matters is what you  _ do  _ about the hurt you’ve caused.” You gently take one of Merula’s hands on your own. She stares at you, unsure. “You apologize, you fix things, you learn, you grow, and you try to be better than you were. That’s how you know that you aren’t a bad person. Because, despite the hurt, you keep trying to be good.”

“Maybe that works for you, but that doesn’t apply to me.” Merula looks away.

“It does.” You run your finger through the back of her hand, the smooth skin that meets you there. “You can be super mean, yes --”

“That’s not helping.”

“ _ But _ ,” You draw a shy smile. “You were there when a dragon got us cornered and Rakepick threatened to hurt my friends. You stood your ground and protected us - you protected  _ me _ . You were there with me every time I went down to Knockturn Alley because ‘I couldn’t handle the danger by myself’. You were there at the hospital wing after a Bludger did a number on me, but ‘not because you cared about me or anything’. You even offered to help me with potions just now.”

Merula cracks a little smile, hopeful.

“I guess I am pretty awesome, that’s nothing new.”

“You are. You’re not a bad person, I promise. I think you’re pretty great.”

You smile bright, and you feel butterflies in your stomach when Merula intertwines your fingers with hers, hands pressed close together tightly in the space between, the warmth she brings.

“I guess I’ll have to take your word for it - just this one time.”

“I think you’ll survive that.” You say, then you poke her side with your elbow, playful. “Besides, what kind of horrible person would hold a cute puppy like Borf as tenderly as you did back there?”

Merula’s cheeks grow pink.

“I did  _ not  _ do such a thing! I’m not soft or tender like you, I am powerful and --”

“You’re blushing.” You smile wide, barely containing your laughter.

“I am not blushing! The cold of the snow spell is making me flushed!”

Merula complaints, and she lays her head on your shoulder, your hair hiding her expression. You chuckle, your hands still intertwined together.

You’re pressed so close to each other that, even with the winter spell and the snowflakes dancing around you two, you’re feeling warm and fuzzy inside.

You stay in silence for a while, your thumb drawing circles on the back of her hand, soft and smooth.

“I like this.” You say eventually, your heart beating slightly faster in your chest. “I like being here with you. Thank you for bringing me here.”

“I like this too…” She reluctantly replies, the air barely leaving her lips, like it’s physically difficult for her to admit this is nice. But she has, so it’s a start.

You stay quiet for a couple of minutes, the snowflakes above you still falling.

_ Is this it? _

Is this the moment when you should tell her how you feel?

You’ve shared deep feelings, she’s trusting you to see her dark spots and sharp edges, you’re quiet, and content - and this is the most romantic place you can think of.

_ It’s now or never. _

You take a deep breath, your fingertips trembling and your quick heartbeat sitting on your veins.

“Merula… There’s something that I…”

Merula turns her head around and your eyes meet.

_ Something that I want to say to you _ , you think, but the words are stuck in your throat. You swallow hard, staring deep into her lilac eyes as you search for the right words to say.

Then, Merula’s leaning in.

Slowly, like a fragment from a dream, she’s leaning towards you - and she’s so close,  _ closer _ .

Her lips are pressed against yours, and her eyes are closed, and your heart is racing because she is kissing you--

She’s kissing you?

She’s kissing you!

With Merula’s lips on yours, you don’t feel fireworks; it’s a rather sloppy and clumsy kiss since you’re in such an awkward position, next to each other with her head previously on your shoulder, but it melts your heart anyways.

When Merula breaks the kiss, she’s deeply flushed. She looks away.

“What was that?” She mutters.

“I don’t know, you started it.” You chuckle, then soften your voice. “Want to try that again?”

Merula’s blush deepens.

“If you’re  _ that  _ desperate.” She says, smiling sarcastically.

You roll your eyes. “I am not -  _ Wait _ , what are you doing?”

Merula stands up, turns around, and sits on your lap, her legs pinned against both sides of your hips.

Suddenly, all the air in your lungs vanishes like snow melting in the sun, and you feel the adrenaline rush through every fiber of your being, every nerve, hair, and centimeter of your skin like an electric shock capable of paralyzing an elephant. You blush deeply and look up at her.

“So… are we trying that again, or - ”

“Stop talking.”

Merula cups your face in her hands and leans in, brushing her lips against yours and finally kissing you. This kiss is much better, the smooth skin of her lips pressed to yours, her taste sitting on your tongue, your head is light and fuzzy. Your hands find her hair and Merula cups your face and kisses you again. Breathlessly, fiercely,  _ desperately _ .

You stay like this for a while, her touch shattering all your defences, the feeling of belonging overwhelming your heart, her smile shining like a thousand stars in the vault of your chest when her lips curl up in the kiss.

When you break apart to breathe, lips parted and flushed, you look up at her.

You feel your chest overflowed with happiness, bigger and brighter than anything you’ve ever felt in your life. The creases and scars of your heart, shattered by the thought that she might not share your feelings, start to heal very slowly, your cracks filling whole again at the flickering touch of her skin against yours.

“I love you.” You say, because your heart is full and you have no other way of letting it all pour out like a waterfall.

Merula’s eyes widen, and her hands fall from your face to her lap. She looks away, violet eyes downcast.

“Wow. I - I don’t… I  _ can’t _ .” Merula stutters troubled, hesitant. She closes her eyes, a pained expression across her face. “I am… I’m  _ sorry _ .”

You feel your heart break into a million pieces. A throbbing pain strikes through your chest, rough and sharp like a stalagmite. You feel like you're splitting in two. The world is falling apart around you; but still, you draw a small smile just for her. You shrug, your hands trembling.

“It’s okay, it was too soon, I - I got overwhelmed. I’m sorry.” You shake your head, too hurt and disoriented to process the words that are leaving your lips. “I shouldn’t have said that. I just… I really do. _I_ _love you_. I just wanted you to know. But it’s okay that you…”

You don’t finish the sentence, and Merula doesn’t say anything else either. She’s still sitting on your lap, both of you looking in opposite directions.

You let out a long sigh.

“It’s getting late. We should…”

“ _ Yes _ .” Merula nods. “We should go. Call it a night. Yes.”

You both get up, walking to the exit in silence.

* * *

The trip back to the castle is silent and awkward, and you can’t ignore the sting in your chest, your heart shattered into a million pieces. You clench your fists as you walk, gathering there all the helplessness you feel, letting it build up until your nails hurt your flesh. You open your hands slowly, releasing that emotion, waiting for the night air to take it away and lift the heaviness that’s settled inside your ribcage - but it never happens.

_ So this is how heartbreak feels like, huh?  _

When you finally make it to the castle, there’s no one around. It must be well past bedtime, which means that, if you get caught, Mr. Filch will have several punishments he’d be eager to try out with you. You shiver.

You can’t fix this situation anymore, all the comfort and closeness you’d grown to have with Merula - all gone to waste because of your confession. Your  _ stupid  _ confession. You shouldn’t have listened to your mom.

Now, you just want Merula to leave, bury your face in your pillow and let this rollercoaster of a day finally end.

You arrive at the dungeons of the castle, one corridor away from the Slytherin Common Room, which Merula’s about to go in.

You’re not allowed to go any further, so you stop walking. Merula notices and she turns around, looking everywhere but in your direction.

“Goodnight, Merula.” You say because you don’t have any other words.

Without waiting for an answer, you start walking away.

When you’re almost by the stairs again, you hear Merula’s voice following you.

“Wait.”

She says, and the sound of her voice makes you stop in your tracks again, that’s the effect she has on you. You turn around and see her approaching, a conflicted expression on her face.

Come to think of it, she’s been looking like this the whole trip back. You figured it’s because she was uncomfortable knowing you had such feelings for her. Your words must’ve been over and over again in her head. You curse your stupidity.

Merula walks up to you and she’s placing her head on your shoulder without meeting your eyes. She stays there a couple of seconds, the faint pressure of her forehead against you, and you don’t know where you should put your hands.

“Merula?” You whisper, confused. “Am I supposed to - “

“Just shut up. For once.  _ Please _ .”

She breathes out. It’s like she’s fighting some intern battle that you have no way of knowing.

“Okay.”

You whisper back, and you feel her breathing steadily until she lets out a long and shaky breath. Then, she talks.

“I like you. Well,  _ no  _ \- that’s not enough. I  _ love  _ you. I’ve loved you for a while, now. I just… say the wrong things.”

_ Wait. _

_ What? _

“What? Really?” You open your eyes wide, your heart suddenly bursting out of your chest. “Are you for real right now? Or are you just playing with my feelings?”

You can’t help but feel a little skeptical after her rejection before. Merula looks up at you, violet eyes flaring.

“Why are  _ you  _ shocked, you confessed to me first! And I  _ am  _ for real!” She glares at you, frowning. “Can’t you see that I’m trying hard here?”

You shake your head. “Then why didn’t you say anything!”

“Oh, I don’t know! How do you tell the person that you’ve spent four years trying to destroy that you have a crush on them!?”

Merula raises her voice, stepping back and looking straight at you.

“Well, maybe an ‘I love you too’ would’ve been enough!” You say, raising your hands. Then, you process her words. “Wait. You’ve had a crush on me for  _ four  _ years?”

Merula flushes red and hits your arm.

“Don’t change the subject!” She looks away, cheeks burning. “I said it, you know now. Aren’t you happy?”

“Well, yes -  _ yes _ ! I am very happy.” You cup her cheek with your right hand, staring at her features, stars sitting in your veins. Then, your smile fades. “I actually thought you hated me.”

“Why would you think that?” Merula blinks, not stepping away from your touch.

“You said it. Multiple times. Like, you  _ actually  _ kept telling me that you hated me all the time.” You smile sadly.

“Well, yes. What else was I supposed to do? If I started being all nice and mushy around you, it would’ve been too obvious. I rather die by the  _ Cruciatus Curse _ than live knowing my stupid and childish crush was unrequited.”

“Why did you think it was unrequited?”

You blink twice. The thought hadn’t crossed your mind, you’ve always had eyes for Merula and Merula only; but she shrugs and looks away.

“I don’t know. You’re always surrounded by people, and they all love you. Charlie, Penny, Rowan, stupid Barnaby… You could’ve had literally anyone, why would you ever want someone as mean and broken like me.”

You hold her face with your two hands and stare at her for three solid seconds. Right when she’s about to say something else, you talk.

“You can be mean; and if you’re broken, I’m just as broken as well. But you’re much more than that -  _ so  _ much more. You’re talented, ambitious and you  _ do  _ care, even if it kills you to admit it. If it makes you feel any better, I, too, had an embarrassing crush on the most powerful witch at Hogwarts for four long years. I think Rowan was planning on telling you themself at this point.”

You chuckle, and Merula relaxes too. She bites her lip.

“You know… I did hate you.”

“Oh.” You say, surprised. “This is  _ not  _ how I expected you to answer that.”

Merula shakes her head.

“I did hate you at first. You had talent, friends and the teachers loved you. All I had were my parents in Azkaban, and the people who feared me because I was stronger. It would’ve been easy,  _ so  _ easy to keep hating you. If only you hadn’t been nice to me, if you hadn’t made a place for me within your friends, if you hadn’t carried me all the way back after Rakepick attacked me, if you hadn’t been there all night in the infirmary holding my hand when I was scared I was going to die… If only you hadn’t spent the whole day making me feel that there’s at least someone who cares about me, I - I could’ve kept hating you and it would’ve been easier, and - ”

You hold her, placing your hand at the base of her neck as she hides her face on your shoulder.

“I have all these feelings for you and I don’t know - I don’t know what to do with them.”

“It’s okay.” You say. “We can share them. You’ll have half of mine, and I’ll have half of yours.”

“But what if I do something wrong and I mess it up?” Merula shakes her head, burying her face further into your neck. “What if you change your mind; if you - if you find someone better?”

“Better than the best witch of all of Hogwarts? That’s kinda hard to best, don’t you think?”

You say, trying to light up the mood. Merula looks up at you, frowning.

“Don’t be stupid, I’m serious!” She says, the faintest hint of annoyance you’ve ever heard coming from her. “I don’t want to have my heart broken - least of all, by  _ you _ .”

“Ouch. That was mean.” You say, but you’re too happy to be actually hurt right now.

Merula places her head on your shoulder again, arms wrapped around you a little bit tighter.

“Sorry, it’s just a habit. I’m working on that.”

“You are?” A warm smile blooms on your lips.

Merula rolls her eyes. “I know, I’m practically perfect at everything, but - yes, I’m gonna work on some things from now on. I want to be  _ better _ .”

“Good.” You say, placing your forehead against hers, and it’s closer than home. “Because I was thinking we could do it together.”

She blinks twice. “Which part?”

“All of it.” You shrug. “Stopping Rakepick, finding the last cursed vault, growing stronger and older - building a life of our own, however we want it to be. Together.”

Merula smiles. “Ugh. You’re so cheesy.”

“Maybe I am, but that’s what you signed up for. For this, and for everything else from now on, you got me. You always have.” You say, glancing at Merula through the dim light with your heart sitting on your lips, smile spread wide. “I love you, Merula.”

You whisper, and before she can say it in return, you kiss her with all the love you hold in your heart, your lips curling when they brush against hers, soft and sweet.

Merula gives in to your kiss, melts in your hands. She kisses you back slower, deeper, feeling the brush of her lips and how your fingers quickly find Merula’s hair, her arms curled around your waist.

You could spend a lifetime wrapped up in Merula’s kisses, her hugs, her touch - your cheek pressed against her temple, your heart pouring out of your chest, and it’s closer than home.

“I love you too, silly.”


End file.
